Leading by example is exceedingly hard. Not because leaders can’t set a strong example others will follow, but rather because truly leading by example requires near-perfect consistency. Any deviation, exception, hypocrisy, or departure from the example negates whatever made it so worth following to begin with.
Aug 9, 2023·edited Aug 9, 2023Liked by Admired Leadership
You make valid points. Can one, genuinely, be a compassionate leader, and be passionate about their business? All of this, while not losing our temper, crying, etc..? A lot of leadership education (in my experience) seems to be teaching us to become trained sociopaths. Most aren't likely, to put in the work it takes, to follow (genuinely) the AUTHENTIC LEADERSHIP path (Bill George).
Therefore the main question is how many leaders are organically sociopaths, and is it possible, to not mechanically, become one?
It is probably worth considering whether the term 'sociopath' should be read here as neutral or negative?
We come at personal and leadership development from a behavioral approach. So we tend to not take time to judge where a person might be on the sociopath spectrum, but instead encourage the behaviors of the best leaders.
The current term for this disorder is Antisocial Personality Disorder, aka APD (DSM-V). One of the requirements is deceitfulness, repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for pleasure or personal profit. This specifically stuck out to me.
I've got a couple of non-typical kids who went through some abandonment trauma very early in their lives. They will probably be defined as sociopaths in their adult years. They certainly already behave that way.
So taking the behavioral approach to their development has been a real relief on our entire family. Before we understood that they weren't neuro-typical we spent years trying to help them from a psychological approach, and it just wasn't working. For them, behaviors won't fix their sociopathicness (that a word?) but we see that it will help them navigate the world better.
Great leadership post. In my work, I help leaders understand their impact on their team and organization in terms of how they respond to wins, losses, frustrations and make decisions.
I'm not sure about the "trained sociopaths" comment. However I do agree that most leadership programs aren't focused on how our emotional state influences our behavior and how others are alway interpreting our behavior through their personal lens. When I think of authentic leadership I ponder my humanity and that trying to be "perfect, unemotional and make the best decisions" is a recipe for failure. Those surrounding a leader are always monitoring how the leader handles their emotions and that teaches them how to be with the leader.
We like to remind our selves that authenticity is what we do.
But the need for leaders to accept the obligation of leadership is where we encourage the most pondering. I think that overlaps with the way you put it as well, Denise.
The smaller the gap between the leader you think you are (identity) and the leader other people think you are (reputation) the more success you will have in life and in your career. I think this fits very nicely with Admired Leadership's definition of authenticity. How do you close the gap? Strategic self-awareness and practicing interpersonal skills and admired leadership behaviors - lot's of practice, reflection, planning, and more practice. If we begin to behave differently, we will begin to perceive (identity) ourselves differently, and it time, others will too (reputation).
You won't always hit the target 100% but ensure to be consistent in not missing it so many times than what is considered normal for those following you. You never stop learning and growing, so there is always a point where you will miss a thing or two, but I believe that doesn't disqualify as a leader that leads by example. If you inspire people and they easily disqualify your leadership because you missed a thing or two in example, my opinion is, they were never learning from you , but were in competition with you. In addition to all the good stuff you shared in the article, i wish to conclude by adding that, leading by example isn't a thing you expect your competitors to validate you for, because they are always out to look for where you miss it. So every leader must get this straight so that they don't drown into frustrations when their competitors show up to point all their mistakes and never point their good wins. Thank you for the great post.
You make valid points. Can one, genuinely, be a compassionate leader, and be passionate about their business? All of this, while not losing our temper, crying, etc..? A lot of leadership education (in my experience) seems to be teaching us to become trained sociopaths. Most aren't likely, to put in the work it takes, to follow (genuinely) the AUTHENTIC LEADERSHIP path (Bill George).
Therefore the main question is how many leaders are organically sociopaths, and is it possible, to not mechanically, become one?
Thanks for your time.
Appreciate your comment and question, Joe.
It is probably worth considering whether the term 'sociopath' should be read here as neutral or negative?
We come at personal and leadership development from a behavioral approach. So we tend to not take time to judge where a person might be on the sociopath spectrum, but instead encourage the behaviors of the best leaders.
This thread could get very interesting.
The current term for this disorder is Antisocial Personality Disorder, aka APD (DSM-V). One of the requirements is deceitfulness, repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for pleasure or personal profit. This specifically stuck out to me.
Here's the reference:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK546673/
Glad the author replied the way they did.
I've got a couple of non-typical kids who went through some abandonment trauma very early in their lives. They will probably be defined as sociopaths in their adult years. They certainly already behave that way.
So taking the behavioral approach to their development has been a real relief on our entire family. Before we understood that they weren't neuro-typical we spent years trying to help them from a psychological approach, and it just wasn't working. For them, behaviors won't fix their sociopathicness (that a word?) but we see that it will help them navigate the world better.
Great leadership post. In my work, I help leaders understand their impact on their team and organization in terms of how they respond to wins, losses, frustrations and make decisions.
I'm not sure about the "trained sociopaths" comment. However I do agree that most leadership programs aren't focused on how our emotional state influences our behavior and how others are alway interpreting our behavior through their personal lens. When I think of authentic leadership I ponder my humanity and that trying to be "perfect, unemotional and make the best decisions" is a recipe for failure. Those surrounding a leader are always monitoring how the leader handles their emotions and that teaches them how to be with the leader.
Appreciate your thoughts.
We like to remind our selves that authenticity is what we do.
But the need for leaders to accept the obligation of leadership is where we encourage the most pondering. I think that overlaps with the way you put it as well, Denise.
The smaller the gap between the leader you think you are (identity) and the leader other people think you are (reputation) the more success you will have in life and in your career. I think this fits very nicely with Admired Leadership's definition of authenticity. How do you close the gap? Strategic self-awareness and practicing interpersonal skills and admired leadership behaviors - lot's of practice, reflection, planning, and more practice. If we begin to behave differently, we will begin to perceive (identity) ourselves differently, and it time, others will too (reputation).
We are aligned. LOL
We took a few minutes to talk deeper about this this one, have a listen:
https://twitter.com/i/spaces/1PlJQpbdZAnGE?s=20
You won't always hit the target 100% but ensure to be consistent in not missing it so many times than what is considered normal for those following you. You never stop learning and growing, so there is always a point where you will miss a thing or two, but I believe that doesn't disqualify as a leader that leads by example. If you inspire people and they easily disqualify your leadership because you missed a thing or two in example, my opinion is, they were never learning from you , but were in competition with you. In addition to all the good stuff you shared in the article, i wish to conclude by adding that, leading by example isn't a thing you expect your competitors to validate you for, because they are always out to look for where you miss it. So every leader must get this straight so that they don't drown into frustrations when their competitors show up to point all their mistakes and never point their good wins. Thank you for the great post.