Fascinating read. I had a mentor compare moving up the ranks as needing to be like a Chameleon. While I respect the man and what he taught me, I aspire not to be this way. I prefer blunt people, because I don't need to exert energy "reading them." I AM more like a bear or a bulldog (I was called that by a lead I was partnered with). Ultimately, I will (if there's no NDA involved) tell people what is business necessary and move on. The people I work with know I care. The reason, my actions. The Buddha taught: thoughts, words, and deeds make a man/woman. I tend to focus on these three. Ultimately, while at work, I focus my energy on just that, WORK.
Generally I am in full agreement with the daily Field Note, but not so much today. Those little actions you say will manifest when we think negative thoughts about a person are called microaggressions. They are entirely unconscious behaviors born of often unconscious biases, and, as you say, they are inevitable. I am not convinced, though, that trying to counter with positive thoughts would cancel out the microaggressions. Better to take a holistic approach in which the leader genuinely feels compassion for every team member. While negative biases are unavoidable and will be broadcast in some form, they will have less impact on a team member who knows they are truly valued.
It looks we agree, actually. The recommendation is NOT to counter with positive thoughts.
We have long looked at personal and leadership development through a behavioral lens and not a psychological one. We would betray our own research by recommending a pyscological approach to solving this issue.
The recommendation is "This means that for every negative judgment or two, the leader forces themselves to make a positive judgment, as well. "
This is action-oriented, not a recommendation to retreat and meditate on the positive aspects of the person you're negative too.
The example we gave is to do so with words (actual words - a type of action), but some leaders might need to do it with physical gestures and facial expressions as well. If a leader realizes they are inadvertently leaking eye-rolls all the time, the prescription might be to balance that out with more smiles.
We would not disagree that leaders should develop compassion for every team members, and would further contend that the fastest way to get to that and most other psychological goals is thru specific action and behaviors.
I really like that you mention compassion. It reminds me of three traits Lao Tzu says leaders posses: compassion, frugality, and self-efficacy (Tzu. Tao Te Ching).
Another variable in this is self-judgment. While attempting to balance identifying positive and negative judgments toward a team member, we may be judging ourselves more for having negative judgments in the first place. Finding the positive in the situation is an excellent tip for adjusting our inevitable expressions and body language, and I think it's also necessary to do a quick internal check-in to understand the stories we're telling ourselves to create negative judgments in the first place.
It will continue to remain a problem for leaders who genuinely dislike a member of their team. It happens more often than leaders want to admit... usually because they don't want to admit they have little likable ground between them.
The key there is for leaders to find something they admire in the person they don't like. There usually is something, even if it isn't work-related.
What have you done in this situation, Josh? When you really dislike a person who you work with?
Fortunately, I haven't been in a position early in my career where I've had a genuine distaste for a team member. If I didn't like someone, typically it was because they thought very differently than me, so again, I had some internal work to do to understand their perspective instead of making assumptions about their words or behaviors. So, 1. determine where I may be amplifying the dislike in my head, creating stories that aren't true, and 2. ask questions to try to understand where they're coming from.
Fascinating read. I had a mentor compare moving up the ranks as needing to be like a Chameleon. While I respect the man and what he taught me, I aspire not to be this way. I prefer blunt people, because I don't need to exert energy "reading them." I AM more like a bear or a bulldog (I was called that by a lead I was partnered with). Ultimately, I will (if there's no NDA involved) tell people what is business necessary and move on. The people I work with know I care. The reason, my actions. The Buddha taught: thoughts, words, and deeds make a man/woman. I tend to focus on these three. Ultimately, while at work, I focus my energy on just that, WORK.
Thanks for your time.
Generally I am in full agreement with the daily Field Note, but not so much today. Those little actions you say will manifest when we think negative thoughts about a person are called microaggressions. They are entirely unconscious behaviors born of often unconscious biases, and, as you say, they are inevitable. I am not convinced, though, that trying to counter with positive thoughts would cancel out the microaggressions. Better to take a holistic approach in which the leader genuinely feels compassion for every team member. While negative biases are unavoidable and will be broadcast in some form, they will have less impact on a team member who knows they are truly valued.
It looks we agree, actually. The recommendation is NOT to counter with positive thoughts.
We have long looked at personal and leadership development through a behavioral lens and not a psychological one. We would betray our own research by recommending a pyscological approach to solving this issue.
The recommendation is "This means that for every negative judgment or two, the leader forces themselves to make a positive judgment, as well. "
This is action-oriented, not a recommendation to retreat and meditate on the positive aspects of the person you're negative too.
The example we gave is to do so with words (actual words - a type of action), but some leaders might need to do it with physical gestures and facial expressions as well. If a leader realizes they are inadvertently leaking eye-rolls all the time, the prescription might be to balance that out with more smiles.
We would not disagree that leaders should develop compassion for every team members, and would further contend that the fastest way to get to that and most other psychological goals is thru specific action and behaviors.
Thanks for clarifying.
Good morning Jim,
I really like that you mention compassion. It reminds me of three traits Lao Tzu says leaders posses: compassion, frugality, and self-efficacy (Tzu. Tao Te Ching).
Thanks for your time.
Another variable in this is self-judgment. While attempting to balance identifying positive and negative judgments toward a team member, we may be judging ourselves more for having negative judgments in the first place. Finding the positive in the situation is an excellent tip for adjusting our inevitable expressions and body language, and I think it's also necessary to do a quick internal check-in to understand the stories we're telling ourselves to create negative judgments in the first place.
True.
It will continue to remain a problem for leaders who genuinely dislike a member of their team. It happens more often than leaders want to admit... usually because they don't want to admit they have little likable ground between them.
The key there is for leaders to find something they admire in the person they don't like. There usually is something, even if it isn't work-related.
What have you done in this situation, Josh? When you really dislike a person who you work with?
Fortunately, I haven't been in a position early in my career where I've had a genuine distaste for a team member. If I didn't like someone, typically it was because they thought very differently than me, so again, I had some internal work to do to understand their perspective instead of making assumptions about their words or behaviors. So, 1. determine where I may be amplifying the dislike in my head, creating stories that aren't true, and 2. ask questions to try to understand where they're coming from.
Good morning Josh,
Valid points. That chatter in our heads can be self destructive. Empathy does really help.
Thanks for your time.