The Failure to Hide Negative Judgments
Leaders are naturally judgmental. They form judgments of issues and people rapidly, intuitively, and continually.
They falsely believe that, because these rapid-fire judgments are unspoken, they have little or no effect on those being judged. The problem is that, as a rule, leaders are lousy at hiding their thoughts and feelings.
They leak what they are thinking with their body language, facial expressions, intonations, and questions. Even their eyes betray them. Unfortunately for leaders, people can easily tell when a leader has judged something negatively.
Whether they know it or not, when leaders form negative judgments about issues and people, they unintentionally broadcast this negativity to others. For those on the receiving end of those critical assessments, being evaluated negatively has consequences. Targets of leaked negative judgments respond as if the criticisms were spoken out loud. They naturally defend themselves or withdraw to avoid more negativity.
Learning to mask or hide what they are really thinking sounds like good advice but is impossible for leaders to do. The general advice to be less judgmental is even less practical. Truth be told, becoming less judgmental is not a goal leaders can or should attempt to accomplish.
Leaders make judgments for a reason. Quality decisions and effective execution depend upon them. But the fact remains, negative judgments also get in the way of building candid and collaborative relationships.
So, what should leaders do?
Since withholding or refraining from negative thoughts and judgments is virtually impossible, the better move is to balance them out so they have less effect. This means that for every negative judgment or two, the leader forces themselves to make a positive judgment, as well.
Consider a leader greeting a team member at a face-to-face meeting after not seeing them for several weeks. Upon the initial exchange, the leader makes a harsh but honest judgment that the team member has likely rushed to dress and looks disheveled. Before they unintentionally leak this distaste, the leader can require themselves to make a positive judgment, as well.
In this case, they can recognize the high energy this team member exudes and how much they appreciate it. The result is not only to diminish or balance the negative judgment with a more positive one. What occurs is that the leader is less likely to leak only negativity.
The habit of finding a positive judgment to counter a negative one sounds hard to do, but with practice, anyone can get better at it.
It’s not that leaders have a difficult time identifying a positive judgment when it crosses their minds. The difficult task is to load a favorable judgment immediately after a negative one. Try it the next time you’re doing what you do best. You’ll find even the delay in searching for a positive thought or judgment diminishes how much negativity gets indirectly expressed to others.
Divulging one’s thoughts through expressions and gestures is inevitable. Using positive judgments to buffer more negative ones helps to keep in check what gets indirectly leaked to others. View it as a challenge and try to make a habit of it. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
Fascinating read. I had a mentor compare moving up the ranks as needing to be like a Chameleon. While I respect the man and what he taught me, I aspire not to be this way. I prefer blunt people, because I don't need to exert energy "reading them." I AM more like a bear or a bulldog (I was called that by a lead I was partnered with). Ultimately, I will (if there's no NDA involved) tell people what is business necessary and move on. The people I work with know I care. The reason, my actions. The Buddha taught: thoughts, words, and deeds make a man/woman. I tend to focus on these three. Ultimately, while at work, I focus my energy on just that, WORK.
Thanks for your time.
Generally I am in full agreement with the daily Field Note, but not so much today. Those little actions you say will manifest when we think negative thoughts about a person are called microaggressions. They are entirely unconscious behaviors born of often unconscious biases, and, as you say, they are inevitable. I am not convinced, though, that trying to counter with positive thoughts would cancel out the microaggressions. Better to take a holistic approach in which the leader genuinely feels compassion for every team member. While negative biases are unavoidable and will be broadcast in some form, they will have less impact on a team member who knows they are truly valued.