Leaders who stand for excellence struggle with two competing desires. On the one hand, they want to guarantee excellent outcomes by controlling the smallest details and everything connected to them. In their desire to achieve the greatest outcome, they become dictators of control.
In my experience, people in leadership positions who are control-freaks usually have narcissistic tendencies. It is less about controlling outcomes, and more about controlling people. A tell-tale sign you are dealing with this type of person is to look at their relationship history. Did they have anyone very close to them (perhaps their #2) and then had a sudden break with that person with no recourse (you're dead to me)? Usually, the break-up means the other person either wised-up or got tired of being controlled and manipulated for so long and refused to continue to obey. I think this is a very hard behavior to change - maybe close to impossible for most. But I like what you said about 'pre-deciding' - The first step is to acknowledge you have a problem - then pre-decide what you will do and won't do in situations - Do more of recognizing others, especially when they've made important contributions, and start taking more personal responsibility for outcomes and stop blaming others when things do go exactly your way.
Absolutely - Leaders come in all shapes and sizes - "Neurotics" tend to be different than "Narcissists" in the way their negative behaviors center around "moving away" from others rather than "moving against".
Personally, I'd focus on learning and practicing positive work behaviors like they teach in the Admired Leadership platform. But a couple of books that come to mind are The Prince by Machiavelli and 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene. You might also try a web search with "management - executive - or leadership" + "derailers".
Control is the greatest illusion there is. The more one tries to control, the more control slips away. It’s like squeezing a wet bar of soap. In the end, the control freaks paradoxically have the least control.
Great points. I often wonder if this unhealthy need for control is part of being a perfectionist? I have learned there are many ways to accomplish the same task, hence the importance of autonomy.
Well it all depends on who you are giving control to. If you do not assess their abilities or motivations, first, but then give them control, then you are rolling the dice. First work with them closely, assess their abilities, and then give them more and more control as they are able to handle. Right?
In my experience, people in leadership positions who are control-freaks usually have narcissistic tendencies. It is less about controlling outcomes, and more about controlling people. A tell-tale sign you are dealing with this type of person is to look at their relationship history. Did they have anyone very close to them (perhaps their #2) and then had a sudden break with that person with no recourse (you're dead to me)? Usually, the break-up means the other person either wised-up or got tired of being controlled and manipulated for so long and refused to continue to obey. I think this is a very hard behavior to change - maybe close to impossible for most. But I like what you said about 'pre-deciding' - The first step is to acknowledge you have a problem - then pre-decide what you will do and won't do in situations - Do more of recognizing others, especially when they've made important contributions, and start taking more personal responsibility for outcomes and stop blaming others when things do go exactly your way.
Good morning David,
Good point/s. Do you think neurotic people can be in the driver's seat too? Or is it a partnership between the narcissist and the neurotic?
Thanks for your time.
Absolutely - Leaders come in all shapes and sizes - "Neurotics" tend to be different than "Narcissists" in the way their negative behaviors center around "moving away" from others rather than "moving against".
Thanks David.
Any reading recommendations to better understand and prevent either behavior?
Personally, I'd focus on learning and practicing positive work behaviors like they teach in the Admired Leadership platform. But a couple of books that come to mind are The Prince by Machiavelli and 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene. You might also try a web search with "management - executive - or leadership" + "derailers".
Thanks David.
Another great post!
Control is the greatest illusion there is. The more one tries to control, the more control slips away. It’s like squeezing a wet bar of soap. In the end, the control freaks paradoxically have the least control.
Like pitchers with a loose grip having the greatest influence on the ball’s movement.
Great points. I often wonder if this unhealthy need for control is part of being a perfectionist? I have learned there are many ways to accomplish the same task, hence the importance of autonomy.
Thank you for your time.
Well it all depends on who you are giving control to. If you do not assess their abilities or motivations, first, but then give them control, then you are rolling the dice. First work with them closely, assess their abilities, and then give them more and more control as they are able to handle. Right?