Taming the Need to Control
Leaders who stand for excellence struggle with two competing desires. On the one hand, they want to guarantee excellent outcomes by controlling the smallest details and everything connected to them. In their desire to achieve the greatest outcome, they become dictators of control.
On the other hand, the best of these leaders also know that an environment of empowerment and inclusion retains the best people and ensures the decisions that get made along the way get executed with vigor.
Without involving people and listening and yielding to their ideas, the vision of excellence rarely materializes. No leader can control everything and achieve great outcomes by themselves. But this is a hard lesson to learn for those with a deep need for control.
Overcoming the need for total control is never easy for leaders driven to excel. Most control freaks have incredibly high standards and don’t trust others to meet them, hence the need for control.
Learning to trust others without the need to point out every detail and flaw they might miss can feel like surrendering to mediocrity. What they don’t appreciate just yet is that the need for control creates a self-destructive loop.
When any leader attempts to control everything, they create ill-will with those who must execute. Once team members feel distrusted, they turn a blind eye toward execution. They quickly become spectators and not doers. Because they feel disrespected, they watch with glee as things begin to fall apart.
Controlling leaders can’t spin all of the plates by themselves and the team knows it. The leader needs the team to support their efforts. But unfortunately, their controlling nature zaps the energy and goodwill necessary for the team to take ownership of the outcome. Frustration ensues and the leader gets even more controlling, blaming everyone but themselves.
Taming the internal tiger of control requires leaders to accept this reality and chart a different path. Those who deny it are destined to remain in the self-destructive loop. Those who accept it seek to strike a healthy balance between controlling details and empowering others.
The key is to pre-decide what details and processes the leader can delegate completely to others. If the conclusion is none of them, they are simply not ready to escape the loop. Leaders ready for balance start small and expand the list over time.
With each successive project and task, the goal is for the controlling leader to give up even more of what they would like to control. As trust in the team and its abilities improves, so do the outcomes, teaching the leader the most important of lessons.
Giving up some control is actually the best way to create great results. Who knew? Everyone but the control freak.
In my experience, people in leadership positions who are control-freaks usually have narcissistic tendencies. It is less about controlling outcomes, and more about controlling people. A tell-tale sign you are dealing with this type of person is to look at their relationship history. Did they have anyone very close to them (perhaps their #2) and then had a sudden break with that person with no recourse (you're dead to me)? Usually, the break-up means the other person either wised-up or got tired of being controlled and manipulated for so long and refused to continue to obey. I think this is a very hard behavior to change - maybe close to impossible for most. But I like what you said about 'pre-deciding' - The first step is to acknowledge you have a problem - then pre-decide what you will do and won't do in situations - Do more of recognizing others, especially when they've made important contributions, and start taking more personal responsibility for outcomes and stop blaming others when things do go exactly your way.
Another great post!
Control is the greatest illusion there is. The more one tries to control, the more control slips away. It’s like squeezing a wet bar of soap. In the end, the control freaks paradoxically have the least control.