An important observation and great advice!Face-saving is a major tool in international diplomacy. You don’t want to humiliate your adversaries (or allies), so you allow them a reasonable out. If you humiliate them, the will lash back It works exactly the same way with personal and professional relationships.
By the way, the opposite of face-saving is the belief that people should “just take responsibility.” That “suck-it-up-buttercup” approach can cause people to shut down as Joe suggests. Taken to an extreme, it is bullying.
Love this observation about the opposite of face-saving.
I can only see it working well in the context of a great coach who has a well -established healthy relationship of trust built - which is usually NOT the case.
I'm working with someone right now where their intentions don't match with their actions all the time. When a discrepancy occurs, I'll call that person back 1:1 immediately after the meeting and talk to them. We've set goals to improve, so I remind them of the goals and then talk about the incident and discuss how it could've been handled differently. I've been leaning heavily on the goals we've set, but I'll try this out (identity). I've also been calling the person immediately after a meeting when they did something good - I point it out and go into detail on exactly what they did and how it was effective. It's a long road, but old habits are hard to break.
Sometimes I feel that urge to jump in, and try to keep/gently urge team mates from sinking themselves. As I reflect on this, sometimes it is ethically and morally the right thing (in my opinion). Other times it backfires. Most seasoned workers know the safest bet is to lay low, work hard, and mind our own business. I think the reason a lot of us don't do this is we care and wish to do what we can to shoulder some of the burden, while (if we're lucky) lessening the suffering of others.
This makes me think of the phrase, ‘be kind to unkind people, for they need it most’. Showing emotional intelligence and protecting the reputation (of those who deserve to have it protected) often says more about you than it does about them!
An important observation and great advice!Face-saving is a major tool in international diplomacy. You don’t want to humiliate your adversaries (or allies), so you allow them a reasonable out. If you humiliate them, the will lash back It works exactly the same way with personal and professional relationships.
By the way, the opposite of face-saving is the belief that people should “just take responsibility.” That “suck-it-up-buttercup” approach can cause people to shut down as Joe suggests. Taken to an extreme, it is bullying.
Love this observation about the opposite of face-saving.
I can only see it working well in the context of a great coach who has a well -established healthy relationship of trust built - which is usually NOT the case.
I'm working with someone right now where their intentions don't match with their actions all the time. When a discrepancy occurs, I'll call that person back 1:1 immediately after the meeting and talk to them. We've set goals to improve, so I remind them of the goals and then talk about the incident and discuss how it could've been handled differently. I've been leaning heavily on the goals we've set, but I'll try this out (identity). I've also been calling the person immediately after a meeting when they did something good - I point it out and go into detail on exactly what they did and how it was effective. It's a long road, but old habits are hard to break.
Would love to hear a follow up on how that might work for you both.
Good morning,
Well put.
Sometimes I feel that urge to jump in, and try to keep/gently urge team mates from sinking themselves. As I reflect on this, sometimes it is ethically and morally the right thing (in my opinion). Other times it backfires. Most seasoned workers know the safest bet is to lay low, work hard, and mind our own business. I think the reason a lot of us don't do this is we care and wish to do what we can to shoulder some of the burden, while (if we're lucky) lessening the suffering of others.
Thanks for your time.
Yes - spoken like the kind of person who feels the obligation of leadership instead of simply laying low
I appreciate the sentiment.
I merely believe it's a duty to look out for our fellow brothers and sisters (if we're able to).
This makes me think of the phrase, ‘be kind to unkind people, for they need it most’. Showing emotional intelligence and protecting the reputation (of those who deserve to have it protected) often says more about you than it does about them!