To be considered charming, a person must attract and captivate others with their words, actions, and demeanor. Charming people create a positive atmosphere through their warmth, friendliness, and confidence. They show a genuine interest in others and build rapport by focusing all of their attention on others in social situations.
A fascinating post. You are correct that charm is considered a bit sleazy and manipulative, but charm can also be genuine. Charm is a quality that great leaders have, but charm is not the mark of a great leader. A charming person--genuine or otherwise--is not necessarily a leader. The distinction may be obvious, but it is worth making.
You make good points. When I think of the managers, I have had, who were/are leaders (to be clear, the number is few and far between) they all seemed to listen and be candid. Not all of them were polite, but they stood in front of their team/s. At times they were blunt. If I picked one attribute, I'd say the virtue of temperence was present. Steve Jones gives a decent blueprint to work/leadership in NO OFF SEASON. There is even a chapter titled: BE NICE. I believe the important thing is to always aspire to be decent. The rest will come with time and hard work.
Is there a link between charm and chivalry? Personally I try my best to be a gentleman. Coupled with my natural tendency to listen to folk and genuinely engage with them some of my behaviour is linked to being a gentleman. Thinking of others, courtesy in conversations, and upholding a moral code.
A charming leader I can think of was a manager I had. The company didn't give him an respect as a leader but he certainly earned the title from his staff. He had the gift of the gab, women would swoon over him and the blokes idolised him, however, get on the wrong side of him and you'd know it. I couldn't say if his charm was genuine or a tool he used, but he was far better than his replacements.
You wanted to do a good job for him and for those that could staff would move mountains to cover shifts yo keep things going. A shame head office didn't like him or respect the following he had. He retired early with little regret.
Dec 2, 2023·edited Dec 2, 2023Liked by Admired Leadership
Good morning,
An interesting topic today.
Who doesn't like a decent person?
It's funny you mentioned charm schools. I had no idea that was a thing. Decades ago, while in Catholic school, my brother and I took a manners class. Our folks thought it would be a good idea. I will say, we didn't think much of it then, but it actually taught us some basic skills. Some of which I still use today. Sometimes we need to be brutal. Mostly though, regardless of rank, status, class, etc.. we can all aspire to gentleman or ladies.
Ha! Similar story here. Took the class, made fun of the practices for years but always chose to follow what was taught instead of ignoring it. Followed it while ridiculing the teacher, but certainly followed.
Define Charm - it's also a quality of being attractive and pleasing. To charm someone is to attract them. Based on this definition I think Charm fits better within your Tone & Style guide than an Admired Leadership behavior. When I interact with a charming person, my red flag detector is raised and I check my back pocket. I feel most people who can ‘turn on the charm’ lack better suited skills to influence and persuade others and they resort to ‘the art of seduction’. Fine for dating, but keep it out of the workplace IMHO. A sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen.
Robert Greene on The Charmer: "Charm is seduction without sex. Charmers are consummate manipulators, masking their cleverness by creating a mood of pleasure and comfort. Their method is simple. They deflect attention from themselves and focus it on their target. They understand your spirit, feel your pain, adapt to your moods. In the presence of a Charmer, you feel better about yourself. Learn to cast the Charmer's spell at people's primary weakness: vanity and self-esteem."
Robert's is a little dark for my taste, but he has a point. I think Leaders should show compassion and/or sympathy, but not empathize with their followers. They need to remain somewhat removed in order to stay objective. I think leaders can make others feel like they are the only person that exists on the planet when interacting with them without 'turning on the charm'.
Sociopaths often excel in their ability to charm - which is why they often get to the top. With charm we also risk the cult of personality around a leader, and when that leader goes everything falls apart. Best to distribute leadership qualities more broadly.
The worst thing we might do at this point in the discussion is treat charm like a framework for an entire approach to leadership. "Charming leadership" would be filled with even more gaps than something like "servant leadership" might have.
A fascinating post. You are correct that charm is considered a bit sleazy and manipulative, but charm can also be genuine. Charm is a quality that great leaders have, but charm is not the mark of a great leader. A charming person--genuine or otherwise--is not necessarily a leader. The distinction may be obvious, but it is worth making.
Is charm a quality or a behavior?
Are charmers born or made? :)
Yes to both questions! :)
Good morning Jim,
You make good points. When I think of the managers, I have had, who were/are leaders (to be clear, the number is few and far between) they all seemed to listen and be candid. Not all of them were polite, but they stood in front of their team/s. At times they were blunt. If I picked one attribute, I'd say the virtue of temperence was present. Steve Jones gives a decent blueprint to work/leadership in NO OFF SEASON. There is even a chapter titled: BE NICE. I believe the important thing is to always aspire to be decent. The rest will come with time and hard work.
Thanks for your time.
Is there a link between charm and chivalry? Personally I try my best to be a gentleman. Coupled with my natural tendency to listen to folk and genuinely engage with them some of my behaviour is linked to being a gentleman. Thinking of others, courtesy in conversations, and upholding a moral code.
A charming leader I can think of was a manager I had. The company didn't give him an respect as a leader but he certainly earned the title from his staff. He had the gift of the gab, women would swoon over him and the blokes idolised him, however, get on the wrong side of him and you'd know it. I couldn't say if his charm was genuine or a tool he used, but he was far better than his replacements.
Sounds as if his ability to notice others was what he also used to inspire and motivate?
You wanted to do a good job for him and for those that could staff would move mountains to cover shifts yo keep things going. A shame head office didn't like him or respect the following he had. He retired early with little regret.
Good morning,
An interesting topic today.
Who doesn't like a decent person?
It's funny you mentioned charm schools. I had no idea that was a thing. Decades ago, while in Catholic school, my brother and I took a manners class. Our folks thought it would be a good idea. I will say, we didn't think much of it then, but it actually taught us some basic skills. Some of which I still use today. Sometimes we need to be brutal. Mostly though, regardless of rank, status, class, etc.. we can all aspire to gentleman or ladies.
Thanks for your time.
Morning, Joe.
Those classes are usually remembered because they were behavioral in their approach.
Ha! Similar story here. Took the class, made fun of the practices for years but always chose to follow what was taught instead of ignoring it. Followed it while ridiculing the teacher, but certainly followed.
Charming leaders are life-long learners. Their curiosity keeps them humble. I know this journey.
Where might you see the overlap between charm and curiosity, Carrie?
When leaders are charming yet humble, that's where the leadership magic lies.
Define Charm - it's also a quality of being attractive and pleasing. To charm someone is to attract them. Based on this definition I think Charm fits better within your Tone & Style guide than an Admired Leadership behavior. When I interact with a charming person, my red flag detector is raised and I check my back pocket. I feel most people who can ‘turn on the charm’ lack better suited skills to influence and persuade others and they resort to ‘the art of seduction’. Fine for dating, but keep it out of the workplace IMHO. A sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen.
Definitely more of a flexible style more than a defined behavior.
When one feels charmed, what are they saying? (To flesh out this definition a bit more)
Are we saying we feel noticed and seen when we say we feel charmed?
We are noticed in a non-judgmental way.
Robert Greene on The Charmer: "Charm is seduction without sex. Charmers are consummate manipulators, masking their cleverness by creating a mood of pleasure and comfort. Their method is simple. They deflect attention from themselves and focus it on their target. They understand your spirit, feel your pain, adapt to your moods. In the presence of a Charmer, you feel better about yourself. Learn to cast the Charmer's spell at people's primary weakness: vanity and self-esteem."
Robert's is a little dark for my taste, but he has a point. I think Leaders should show compassion and/or sympathy, but not empathize with their followers. They need to remain somewhat removed in order to stay objective. I think leaders can make others feel like they are the only person that exists on the planet when interacting with them without 'turning on the charm'.
Sociopaths often excel in their ability to charm - which is why they often get to the top. With charm we also risk the cult of personality around a leader, and when that leader goes everything falls apart. Best to distribute leadership qualities more broadly.
Certainly, John.
The worst thing we might do at this point in the discussion is treat charm like a framework for an entire approach to leadership. "Charming leadership" would be filled with even more gaps than something like "servant leadership" might have.