In a ceremony at the conclusion of the Civil War, just outside of Appomattox, Virginia, the Confederate Army of the South laid down their weapons before the Union soldiers of the North. Union General Ulysses S. Grant asked 4,000 soldiers to line up at attention on one side of the ceremonial battlefield. Robert E. Lee’s defeated infantry units were to march onto the field and place their regimental flags and weapons at the foot of the Union officer in charge.
I was trying to think of how I may have attempted this in the workplace. I once expressed interested in an open leadership position. I knew they would most likely go with another person, who was already doing good work in the department. But I was interested, thought I could add value, and also thought a little competition was good. Unfortunately, I was ghosted. Never got the opportunity to interview, never got a call saying they decided to go with the other person. The day I heard the promotion announcement, I had a working session with the recipient. I began the meeting congratulating them for their promotion. Their response was, "Well, it wasn't like I was running against anyone, I kind of got it by default." I told them that wasn't true. That I expressed interest in the job and they at least beat out one person. I think the their eyes, it provided some validation and did some good.
Nice reminder that it is the winner who sets the tone and, in so doing, decides whether winning the war results in winning the peace. Or, as Churchill wrote "“In War, Resolution; In Defeat, Defiance; In Victory, Magnanimity,,,” The key, as you point out, is that this is - like a fractal - true at every scale. One of my staff, who'd twice been turned down for promotion, truculantly asked me why I thought he wouldn't make a good director. We talked for a while and eventually (I'd like to report I thought of it immediately but I didn't.) I realized that he felt disrespected. When I told him that he hadn't been rejected, he just hadn't come first in the competitions, to his credit, this was all the validation he was looking for. Not a Churchillian or Joshua Chamberlain moment but it did win the peace in my small corner of the world.
The old emotional intelligence again I think. Emotional maturity is needed. Winning, and losing, can be highly emotive events. Is the intensity up there with anger, jealousy and pride?
I was trying to think of how I may have attempted this in the workplace. I once expressed interested in an open leadership position. I knew they would most likely go with another person, who was already doing good work in the department. But I was interested, thought I could add value, and also thought a little competition was good. Unfortunately, I was ghosted. Never got the opportunity to interview, never got a call saying they decided to go with the other person. The day I heard the promotion announcement, I had a working session with the recipient. I began the meeting congratulating them for their promotion. Their response was, "Well, it wasn't like I was running against anyone, I kind of got it by default." I told them that wasn't true. That I expressed interest in the job and they at least beat out one person. I think the their eyes, it provided some validation and did some good.
Yes, that is a situation where you can earn (and lose) a lot of credibility.
And it can swing one way or the other with a slight tone.
Thank you for the reminder.
Nice reminder that it is the winner who sets the tone and, in so doing, decides whether winning the war results in winning the peace. Or, as Churchill wrote "“In War, Resolution; In Defeat, Defiance; In Victory, Magnanimity,,,” The key, as you point out, is that this is - like a fractal - true at every scale. One of my staff, who'd twice been turned down for promotion, truculantly asked me why I thought he wouldn't make a good director. We talked for a while and eventually (I'd like to report I thought of it immediately but I didn't.) I realized that he felt disrespected. When I told him that he hadn't been rejected, he just hadn't come first in the competitions, to his credit, this was all the validation he was looking for. Not a Churchillian or Joshua Chamberlain moment but it did win the peace in my small corner of the world.
The old emotional intelligence again I think. Emotional maturity is needed. Winning, and losing, can be highly emotive events. Is the intensity up there with anger, jealousy and pride?