Negative feedback about our work and performance stings. The more we invest in and feel pride in what we do, the more criticism burns. As much as we might try not to, it is exceedingly difficult to avoid taking criticism personally. We wouldn’t be humans if we didn’t find ourselves at least slightly on the defensive when someone we respect finds fault in what we do. Even the smallest criticisms can put people on the defensive and make them raise their shields. Criticism is hard to swallow.
Dec 11, 2023·edited Dec 11, 2023Liked by Admired Leadership
Good morning,
I enjoy feedback (at this point in my life), especially when it is blunt, and to the point. The perspective offered in the post is an interesting way to present growth. My main concern is that aspiring leaders will only pick what is comfortable to hear. The world is already full of individuals who don't/haven't trained to confront the brutal truths (Collins. 2001.) If you're wanting to be a Shooting Star or Golden Boy/Girl (George. 2003), that may be the path for you.
Hi Joe. You concern can be seen, and is a quality guardrail. What might be an alternative approach for the person who knows they tend to take criticism too personally, maybe in a way that paralyzes performance?
It reminds me of "Ego is the enemy." More often than not, I am afraid, we are taking things too personally because of status fights. Calming down our emotional "thinking" and providing space for ±rational thinking to wisely pick and choose from the menu of offered growth ingredients contained in any piece of feedback is a great and constructive way of thinking about how to deal with criticism. I truly love that idea!
The higher your status climbs, the more the feedback one receives is filled with motive and bias. While the approach can often be about keeping ego in check when you're a new leader hearing criticism... it is a good practice even when you aren't dealing with an ego.
How else might someone condition themselves to reject criticism that clearly appears motivated to manipulate a leader's decision-making process?
This was my first impression too. But, thinking about it this morning, I think it could be a good place to start. Get your reps in trying to listen to, internalize, and accept criticism you are likely to take-on. Overtime, you may gain the experience and courage to tackle the harder stuff, or not. I guess it depends on if the criticism is objective or subjective and if by investing time and energy into it, will it help you reach your objective or cease to hold you back in some important life event. Good post today, it was almost quite beautiful how it was presented.
I can see that danger being there for some... but top performers need someway to examine criticism without feeling the obligation to internalize it all. Especially if you have some fame or notoriety and could get critical feedback from anywhere you go as a public figure.
Great analogy. I hope my criticism menu has some châteaubriand to go along with the ludefisk!
Thanks Bruce. You can have all of that alkaline jelly!
Good morning,
I enjoy feedback (at this point in my life), especially when it is blunt, and to the point. The perspective offered in the post is an interesting way to present growth. My main concern is that aspiring leaders will only pick what is comfortable to hear. The world is already full of individuals who don't/haven't trained to confront the brutal truths (Collins. 2001.) If you're wanting to be a Shooting Star or Golden Boy/Girl (George. 2003), that may be the path for you.
Thank you for your time.
Hi Joe. You concern can be seen, and is a quality guardrail. What might be an alternative approach for the person who knows they tend to take criticism too personally, maybe in a way that paralyzes performance?
I have found a combination of coaches, books, and effort to be effective. Ultimately, we make a to-do list, and get after it. One step at a time.
It reminds me of "Ego is the enemy." More often than not, I am afraid, we are taking things too personally because of status fights. Calming down our emotional "thinking" and providing space for ±rational thinking to wisely pick and choose from the menu of offered growth ingredients contained in any piece of feedback is a great and constructive way of thinking about how to deal with criticism. I truly love that idea!
The higher your status climbs, the more the feedback one receives is filled with motive and bias. While the approach can often be about keeping ego in check when you're a new leader hearing criticism... it is a good practice even when you aren't dealing with an ego.
How else might someone condition themselves to reject criticism that clearly appears motivated to manipulate a leader's decision-making process?
Does this not just end up with people accepting the feedback they agree with and discarding the rest.
Does this menu approach not just end up with people reinforcing their blind spots?
This was my first impression too. But, thinking about it this morning, I think it could be a good place to start. Get your reps in trying to listen to, internalize, and accept criticism you are likely to take-on. Overtime, you may gain the experience and courage to tackle the harder stuff, or not. I guess it depends on if the criticism is objective or subjective and if by investing time and energy into it, will it help you reach your objective or cease to hold you back in some important life event. Good post today, it was almost quite beautiful how it was presented.
I can see that danger being there for some... but top performers need someway to examine criticism without feeling the obligation to internalize it all. Especially if you have some fame or notoriety and could get critical feedback from anywhere you go as a public figure.