People with deep insecurities have a peculiar habit. They commonly project those insecurities onto others. In other words, whatever flaw they struggle with is often the focus of their behavior with others.
This is a serious problem! Just recently h had a conversation with a team member that is a pro at this. In one breath they say they are annoyed because other people are late or drop the ball all the time while they have to be present and has to deal with everyone’s insufficiency. The next day...they showed up late, and they didn’t realize they were behind one day for a deadline everyone else had already completed. Wow.
As I’m reading the comments I also resonate deeply with @davidcmorris. To have to begin every conversation with a topic of interest with this person is in redoble frustrating considering. We’ve worked together for three years. When is it enough? It seems people struggle to have a sense of the. If picture. I suppose I view it as, we’ve been here for three years doing great together, by now everyone’s intent and work ethic should be figured out.
Re: I have worked under three Leaders in past companies who fit this bill. Specifically around - ...or a selfish and self-absorbed colleague who is suspicious of everyone else’s intent and self-interest.
No matter what I did, it wasn't good enough. If I had a good idea or did good work, they'd cut it or me down in front of the team. Funny thing, two of the three leaders were extremely intelligent - smarter than me. Just very insecure. They built up their identities as being the smartest kid/adult in the room. Too smart to fail. When they weren't, it rocked them at their core.
I struggled working with these leaders because it isn't my style to sit back, remain silent, and take it. The only successful strategy I was able to deploy was to find something they were interested in or passionate about and get them talking about it and themselves whenever possible. One leader did day trading on the side (actually, I think he did this all day during work). I asked him to teach me how he set-up his Excel Spreadsheets to manage/wrangle data. I borrowed and read books he had on investing - put and call options. Another leader had recently lost over 100 pounds and had a 15K steps daily goal. I'd stop by her office during the day to see how she was doing (we worked at a manufacturing plant, so we did a lot of walking - even for HR folks). If she was low, I knew that stressed her out and I'd ask her if she'd want to go for a walk during our 1:1's.
I think I was semi-successful with these strategies, but it felt like I was just plugging my fingers into holes to stop the water in a leaky dam waiting and for the inevitable. Do you have or can you provide strategies that one can use when dealing with these kind of leader behaviors?
It was articulate and thought out. Another good reminder for us to focus on self improvement and doing what is right. There will always be cutting corners (heck a lot of these firms look for the young shiny graduate degrees to find loopholes in the system. See Enron, General Electric, etc..Sometimes the only honorable thing is to walk out (if an employee), or not take that contract (leader/consultant). I have not met many of these types though;).
This is a serious problem! Just recently h had a conversation with a team member that is a pro at this. In one breath they say they are annoyed because other people are late or drop the ball all the time while they have to be present and has to deal with everyone’s insufficiency. The next day...they showed up late, and they didn’t realize they were behind one day for a deadline everyone else had already completed. Wow.
As I’m reading the comments I also resonate deeply with @davidcmorris. To have to begin every conversation with a topic of interest with this person is in redoble frustrating considering. We’ve worked together for three years. When is it enough? It seems people struggle to have a sense of the. If picture. I suppose I view it as, we’ve been here for three years doing great together, by now everyone’s intent and work ethic should be figured out.
Great post!
Re: I have worked under three Leaders in past companies who fit this bill. Specifically around - ...or a selfish and self-absorbed colleague who is suspicious of everyone else’s intent and self-interest.
No matter what I did, it wasn't good enough. If I had a good idea or did good work, they'd cut it or me down in front of the team. Funny thing, two of the three leaders were extremely intelligent - smarter than me. Just very insecure. They built up their identities as being the smartest kid/adult in the room. Too smart to fail. When they weren't, it rocked them at their core.
I struggled working with these leaders because it isn't my style to sit back, remain silent, and take it. The only successful strategy I was able to deploy was to find something they were interested in or passionate about and get them talking about it and themselves whenever possible. One leader did day trading on the side (actually, I think he did this all day during work). I asked him to teach me how he set-up his Excel Spreadsheets to manage/wrangle data. I borrowed and read books he had on investing - put and call options. Another leader had recently lost over 100 pounds and had a 15K steps daily goal. I'd stop by her office during the day to see how she was doing (we worked at a manufacturing plant, so we did a lot of walking - even for HR folks). If she was low, I knew that stressed her out and I'd ask her if she'd want to go for a walk during our 1:1's.
I think I was semi-successful with these strategies, but it felt like I was just plugging my fingers into holes to stop the water in a leaky dam waiting and for the inevitable. Do you have or can you provide strategies that one can use when dealing with these kind of leader behaviors?
Good morning,
There is a lot packed into this post.
It was articulate and thought out. Another good reminder for us to focus on self improvement and doing what is right. There will always be cutting corners (heck a lot of these firms look for the young shiny graduate degrees to find loopholes in the system. See Enron, General Electric, etc..Sometimes the only honorable thing is to walk out (if an employee), or not take that contract (leader/consultant). I have not met many of these types though;).
Thanks for your time.
Another way to say it: what we dislike in others is often what we dislike about ourselves.