My most recent experience has thought me that managing the Anxious Attachment Style employee is very challenging and draining not only to the management but also to the person’s peers and colleagues.
Their constant need for attention and approval, and placing focus on external validation instead of sufficient task completion quite often causes them to sabotage the team’s performance and create a resentment. The team’s empathetic efforts to mentor and support them are met with suspicion, defensiveness and even hostile behaviour.
Based on my personal experience and observations, it is crucial for the management to identify this challenging trait and address it early on, employing emotional intelligence and very firm, unquestionable and enforceable boundaries.
I addressed it by gently communicating the issue to her manager, then to my manager, repeatedly, lastly to the managing director/owner. My concerns were always dismissed.
Over the period of two years her manager became back to be my manager as well, she got promoted to my position, the company culture became a myth, replaced by toxic manipulation, diminishment of consistent contributions of long time employees (such as myself) in place of swiping under the rug of her repetitive and oftentimes costly errors, her ostentatious lack of respect and good manners: late every day, absenteeism, no „good morning” and occasional „good night” with a grimace in place of a smile. Excruciating.
I’m no longer with the company. I was laid off without a cause two weeks after I politely yet firmly established my boundaries in a failed attempt to put a blame on me for the supposed animosity issue towards her while (which I clearly explained citing our exchange of words) I had actually absolutely nothing to do with it in the end. And the animosity was targeted towards me and lasted two years longer than the week she was referring to. (I had then recently returned from Poland back to Canada attending my father’s funeral). Unfortunately, since the manager „uses her to do her work for her” (exact words) and she’s the actual forceful decision maker in the company, I was pushed out defending my integrity.
I consider that a blessing and I am immensely grateful for the vast knowledge I acquired. Particularly in the area of the leadership, management and an array of my invaluable soft skills.
The main focus of management on catering mostly to the needs of an anxious, validation seeking under performing employee eventually causes the high performers to quietly disengage, threatening the very fabric of the team structure; an unnecessarily damaging and counterproductive action that should definitely be thoughtfully reconsidered to protect the team’s integrity, cohesiveness and performance.
Leadership is about managing people, and that's why leaders must be extra careful of who they let into their circle. It is a leaders' duty to fill his ranks with those who display competence and ethics; not those with ulterior motives or who require baby-sitting.
This may sound harsh, but you cannot allow a single individual (or a few) to completely sabotage the team's momentum, and drain precious resources. If a member of your team is not up to par, limit the responsibilities assigned to them, and try to keep them productive. But if they continue to drain your time, energy, and pull back the team, then it's time to let them go.
This isn't the feel-good message that is commonly available for those interested in leadership, and this may be hard to swallow. But it's better to part ways with an insecure personality once you've exhausted avenues directed at helping them.
Personally, I think that leaders must first become masters of human psychology in order to avoid bringing the wrong people into their teams, and also to help those with insecurities already within the team.
Hi Joshua. We would recommend mastering great timeless, universal behaviors before mastering human psychology.
While we write about these topics from time to time, we remind ourselves to avoid focusing on how different everyone is and instead look for the in-common behaviors of great leaders.
Thank you for this insightful article.
My most recent experience has thought me that managing the Anxious Attachment Style employee is very challenging and draining not only to the management but also to the person’s peers and colleagues.
Their constant need for attention and approval, and placing focus on external validation instead of sufficient task completion quite often causes them to sabotage the team’s performance and create a resentment. The team’s empathetic efforts to mentor and support them are met with suspicion, defensiveness and even hostile behaviour.
Based on my personal experience and observations, it is crucial for the management to identify this challenging trait and address it early on, employing emotional intelligence and very firm, unquestionable and enforceable boundaries.
How have you been addressing it, Kasia?
I addressed it by gently communicating the issue to her manager, then to my manager, repeatedly, lastly to the managing director/owner. My concerns were always dismissed.
Over the period of two years her manager became back to be my manager as well, she got promoted to my position, the company culture became a myth, replaced by toxic manipulation, diminishment of consistent contributions of long time employees (such as myself) in place of swiping under the rug of her repetitive and oftentimes costly errors, her ostentatious lack of respect and good manners: late every day, absenteeism, no „good morning” and occasional „good night” with a grimace in place of a smile. Excruciating.
I’m no longer with the company. I was laid off without a cause two weeks after I politely yet firmly established my boundaries in a failed attempt to put a blame on me for the supposed animosity issue towards her while (which I clearly explained citing our exchange of words) I had actually absolutely nothing to do with it in the end. And the animosity was targeted towards me and lasted two years longer than the week she was referring to. (I had then recently returned from Poland back to Canada attending my father’s funeral). Unfortunately, since the manager „uses her to do her work for her” (exact words) and she’s the actual forceful decision maker in the company, I was pushed out defending my integrity.
I consider that a blessing and I am immensely grateful for the vast knowledge I acquired. Particularly in the area of the leadership, management and an array of my invaluable soft skills.
Thank you.
Further to my comment:
The main focus of management on catering mostly to the needs of an anxious, validation seeking under performing employee eventually causes the high performers to quietly disengage, threatening the very fabric of the team structure; an unnecessarily damaging and counterproductive action that should definitely be thoughtfully reconsidered to protect the team’s integrity, cohesiveness and performance.
Leadership is about managing people, and that's why leaders must be extra careful of who they let into their circle. It is a leaders' duty to fill his ranks with those who display competence and ethics; not those with ulterior motives or who require baby-sitting.
This may sound harsh, but you cannot allow a single individual (or a few) to completely sabotage the team's momentum, and drain precious resources. If a member of your team is not up to par, limit the responsibilities assigned to them, and try to keep them productive. But if they continue to drain your time, energy, and pull back the team, then it's time to let them go.
This isn't the feel-good message that is commonly available for those interested in leadership, and this may be hard to swallow. But it's better to part ways with an insecure personality once you've exhausted avenues directed at helping them.
Personally, I think that leaders must first become masters of human psychology in order to avoid bringing the wrong people into their teams, and also to help those with insecurities already within the team.
Hi Joshua. We would recommend mastering great timeless, universal behaviors before mastering human psychology.
While we write about these topics from time to time, we remind ourselves to avoid focusing on how different everyone is and instead look for the in-common behaviors of great leaders.
Good morning,
Very insightful.
Thank you for your time.