Giving Feedback by Asking for Help

In yesterday’s Field Note, we outlined how leaders can effectively give feedback indirectly by offering to help.

Feedback can reside inside the overture to assist without the potential bite of a more direct expression.

For instance, “What can I do to help you better prepare for your upcoming presentation?” delivers the feedback indirectly that the person needs to spend time rehearsing for the talk.

The advantage of giving feedback by offering to help is that it reduces resistance and allows the other party to hear the feedback without feeling admonished or scolded.

Interestingly, this same principle can also exist when leaders ask for help.

Giving feedback by asking for help is yet another way to offer criticism more indirectly and increase the odds that the receiving party will not feel confronted or reprimanded.

This bookend strategy (asking for as opposed to offering help) can also drastically change how others respond to criticism.

As an example, consider a team member who dominates group discussions and deserves the feedback that they need to let others express their views.

A leader could certainly deliver this feedback directly with the statement: “Your talk time versus listening time during group discussions prevents your colleagues from expressing their views.”

Or the leader might take a more indirect route: “I’m not sure you realize the impact you have on the group discussion by holding the floor so long.”

Another alternative in this scenario is for the leader to give that feedback by asking for help.

The conversation might go like this: “I want to get everyone on the team expressing their candid views, but they are reluctant to do so. I would like your help. If you would hold back some and let others talk openly before offering your views, I think they would be comfortable to share. Can you help me to get others talking by curbing your opinions until everyone else speaks?”

Similarly to giving feedback by offering help instead of asking for it, any feedback can be delivered in this manner.

While it won’t always be authentic to ask for help to deliver feedback and criticism, the best leaders understand the positive impact of this approach and find the right time to use it.

Because team members are inclined to pitch in and help their leader, this indirect feedback strategy can work when nothing else has in the past.

Offering criticism by asking for help is especially influential with team members who lack self-awareness or are largely unaware of the impact of their behaviors on others.

More than most leaders realize, they can help themselves by both offering help and asking others for it.

Indirect feedback that doesn’t skirt the point or issue is often more effective than more direct approaches. People prefer to learn about how to improve without being reprimanded in the process.

Good leaders craft messages to accomplish that.