Getting People to Talk

Contrary to common sense and experience, the best way to get people to open up and begin talking is not by asking a question, but rather by making a request. While questions are the natural “go-to” for getting others to speak their minds, it is actually requests that pose as questions that get the job done most expertly. 

Requests are more powerful than questions to lubricate the tongue and to get the words to flow: Tell me more about what transpired. Explain to me what happened next. Describe how that made you feel. Help me understand why that is important. Articulate why you reached that conclusion. Clarify what you mean by that. Discern the assumptions you are operating from. Justify why that is a reasonable viewpoint. Expound on what you just said. Fill in the details of what occurred next. Offer a more complete picture of the event. Recount exactly what you did next. Expand on that if you would. Outline how you would approach the problem. Declare what you really believe about this. Elaborate on what you mean by that. 

The italicized words are basically questions without a question mark. Whereas questions can be answered in simple or abbreviated responses without much detail, requests require much more from the speaker. They seek answers that reveal what others think, see, or mean. To fulfill the request or to respond to the challenge, people begin to talk. Typically, once the words begin to flow, a speaker will continue to disclose how they see things.  

Getting people to open up and talk by asking them to is both clever and artful. The key is to avoid asking questions that allow others to respond with grunts, nods or single syllable replies, which is so often the case. Soliciting talk by requesting it is much more effective. 

With a little practice, good leaders can get just about anyone to speak their mind by making these straightforward appeals. If good leaders ask better questions, then great leaders make better requests. They get people to really open up and talk as a result. Now, describe why.