Getting Others Comfortable With Disagreement

Some team members have a difficult time expressing and dealing with disagreement. They find disagreement distasteful, and they don’t enjoy it. 

When disagreed with, they feel attacked or denigrated and feel a need to defend themselves. Disagreement, in their minds, represents a clash between people, not ideas. 

As a result, they don’t dive into debate, team discussions, or conversations where they feel disagreement is stewing. This puts them at a huge disadvantage in contributing as a team member. 

Leaders must help them figure out a way to enter the fray. 

Working with a colleague who finds disagreement threatening begins with helping them understand the power of different points of view. Recognizing that decision quality goes down when not all of the ideas and arguments are explored gives them a better appreciation for why disagreement is so essential. 

Those who find disagreement unsavory typically believe it is a struggle between right and wrong, or good and bad. They personalize attacks on ideas, believing differences in opinion impugn the advocate. Giving them an alternate frame helps them to see disagreement differently. 

Asking these colleagues to see disagreement as a learning opportunity where they can experience other perspectives and viewpoints is critical. Request that they give up their strong allegiance to any particular idea and to enter the discussion with curiosity to learn how others see the issue. This can make a world of difference. Good leaders ask those who find disagreement distasteful to state the opinions or views of others, even to the point of making the case as if they were the advocates. 

Suddenly, they begin to see disagreement as less about them and more about ideas and content. Leaders know they have made progress when these team members begin to invite disagreement, hoping to hear fresh ideas about an issue. 

Not everyone on the team sees the value or benefit of disagreements during discussions. Showing them the power of disagreement to improve the thinking of the entire team and asking each and every team member to engage fully when they disagree are table stakes for making quality decisions. We become wiser together when our ideas clash. Getting everyone to appreciate that is what good leaders do.