Much of the meaning we ascribe to others comes down to how we read their intentions. We judge what is happening and what significance it carries by assessing the intentions we believe others hold. Reading these intentions of others allows us to make quick sense of what they are saying and doing without the need for continual clarification.
I've learned that it's possible to avoid negative terms like "not a put-down" and "not advocate".
Whatever I'm saying _is_ something and I should communicate that message instead of an "is not" message.
For example "not a put-down" could be "what I'm seeing could be construed as...and I don't think that was your intention" "not advocate" could be "I'm need to understand your position better".
“I mean this as a compliment.” - whatever "this" was should've been stated so it's clear it was a compliment.
Very good article here imo. It's the mirror side of a conversation I've been having with a lot of clients. I'm encouraging people to not be so certain of these "perceived motives & Intentions". Spending energy on concluding what others intend (their motive) is a chasing of the wind imo. We can never really know if we are right. However, it is very human to be occupied with this activity. (& we somehow conclude with a great deal of certainty). It is better to spend energy determining what someone needs and whether I have a desire &/or ability to meet that need. The practice recommended in this article though, accepts that it is human nature to assess & tries to ease those fearful tendencies in others by stating clearly what our intentions are. It is a great back up plan until we all live in a state of compassion for others. Thanks again for sharing these gold nuggets on the daily.
Perhaps it was “their subtle way of keeping in control of an abusive hierarchy”. I had not considered that. I only knew I could never feel as connected to them as I desired.
I've learned that it's possible to avoid negative terms like "not a put-down" and "not advocate".
Whatever I'm saying _is_ something and I should communicate that message instead of an "is not" message.
For example "not a put-down" could be "what I'm seeing could be construed as...and I don't think that was your intention" "not advocate" could be "I'm need to understand your position better".
“I mean this as a compliment.” - whatever "this" was should've been stated so it's clear it was a compliment.
This is really solid. I like it a lot. I'm going to have to be more intentional about using this method
Very good article here imo. It's the mirror side of a conversation I've been having with a lot of clients. I'm encouraging people to not be so certain of these "perceived motives & Intentions". Spending energy on concluding what others intend (their motive) is a chasing of the wind imo. We can never really know if we are right. However, it is very human to be occupied with this activity. (& we somehow conclude with a great deal of certainty). It is better to spend energy determining what someone needs and whether I have a desire &/or ability to meet that need. The practice recommended in this article though, accepts that it is human nature to assess & tries to ease those fearful tendencies in others by stating clearly what our intentions are. It is a great back up plan until we all live in a state of compassion for others. Thanks again for sharing these gold nuggets on the daily.
Perhaps it was “their subtle way of keeping in control of an abusive hierarchy”. I had not considered that. I only knew I could never feel as connected to them as I desired.