I unfortunately experienced this in a past position. We started with extremely open discussions, as we all had history and were working toward the same goals for the company we were creating.
Then after some years, the director ignored all of us who had helped create the company from the beginning and hired someone whose mentality was not onboard with what we created. The director needed to be part of the team - but he chose to act alone more and more. Everything you wrote is what happened to us, we preferred with the high work load we had to choose harmony. Sadly, the hurt and anger grew.
I did eventually have a much needed heart to heart with the director who kept becoming more distant. He seemed to have been shaken awake by my words, yet I don't think he appreciated my honesty - which came from a place of love and empathy since I knew him well.
People cannot take criticism even when incredibly obvious the intention is loving. That is a reflection of their lack of awareness & denial, or their defensiveness because they are super aware of their flaws but too prideful or insecure to actually address them let alone take action to improve. Best thing is to move on, but always be truthful! That is integrity in your values and should not be compromised.
I think a lot of times this false harmony is especially common in hierarchical organizations, often as a way to maintain the status quo. People learn quickly that expressing concerns or pointing out problems can put a target on their back, so they stay quiet to make an already dysfunctional work environment a little more bearable.
This article does a great job of breaking down the challenge of false harmony and giving leaders a starting point to work with. The steps are clear and actionable, which can be really useful for people new to navigating these dynamics.
In my experience, though, lasting change often comes from working more gradually and meeting the team where they are. For example, when leaders model vulnerability—admitting their own discomfort with disagreement or sharing how they’ve been challenged—it creates a ripple effect. Trust builds when people see honesty in action.
I’ve also seen value in creating space for regular check-ins where the team reflects on how decisions are playing out or how they’re communicating. These loops can surface tensions naturally without forcing the issue.
Curious—have you seen teams successfully move from surface-level harmony to something deeper? What approaches have worked for you?
You just summed up why I am finally getting the divorce that I have asked for 5 times over the past 18years!
"Outlawing passive-aggressive behavior is also essential. Leaders must confront those who engage in it.
False harmony destroys a team’s ability to operate effectively. Agreement on a team is a plus until it becomes superficial. Then it is a curse."
Being with people in denial who deploy avoidance & escapism as their "way of being in this world" is the living hell that is called "gaslighting" in our modern language.
This behavior is ever commonplace in our society at large, at least in the US. Yep, people be legitimately crazy out here!
I'd love to hear the authors thoughts (maybe in another entry) on what the best leaders do to "outlaw passive-aggressive behavior" if they see it on an entire team.
Do you only handle that confrontation in 1-on-1 meeting? Does the process look different if the entire team culture seems to engage in passive aggressive behavior?
I think its obvious that would need an organizational skill-building effort focused on healthy communication and reassurance against retaliation, which is why most people do not speak candidly, they want to keep their paycheck!
This is powerful, thanks for sharing! I completely agree that a team without trust will avoid healthy conflict, leading to poor decisions and subpar execution. I observe this a lot with CEOs who prioritize “getting along” over transparency and truth, and you can feel the underlying friction within the organization.
I am ever so glad that false harmony does not prevail in the leadership team of our federal government. Under the sensitive and astute leadership of PM Anthony Albanese, members of the cabinet, in many respects, THE most important team in Australia, are bound together in oneness and unity.
Each member of the team models their hopes, aspirations and corporate attitudes on the modelling of their leader.
Let us all aim to become leaders and team members who are equally as genuine and as
I don't see how this is unavoidable with desk jockies.
When you remove working shoulder to shoulder with each other, it's merely lip service and/or a$$ kissing to act like there's flow. Then again, that's the nature of management.
Unless you want to continue to work shoulder to shoulder, that synergy will never really exist (in my opinion).
That is the sacrifice of desk work versuses working with folks.
No shame, it is what it is.
If we all just focus on our tasks/responsibilities; we should be good to go.
Ahh - seems like you're giving up a little too quick on the desk workers, Joe. :)
I'd bet there is an admired cohort in every industry, even desk jockeys, who accept the obligation of leadership whether they have the title/position or not.
Excellent!
I unfortunately experienced this in a past position. We started with extremely open discussions, as we all had history and were working toward the same goals for the company we were creating.
Then after some years, the director ignored all of us who had helped create the company from the beginning and hired someone whose mentality was not onboard with what we created. The director needed to be part of the team - but he chose to act alone more and more. Everything you wrote is what happened to us, we preferred with the high work load we had to choose harmony. Sadly, the hurt and anger grew.
I did eventually have a much needed heart to heart with the director who kept becoming more distant. He seemed to have been shaken awake by my words, yet I don't think he appreciated my honesty - which came from a place of love and empathy since I knew him well.
The only constant thing is change.
Would you have done anything differently, in hindsight?
People cannot take criticism even when incredibly obvious the intention is loving. That is a reflection of their lack of awareness & denial, or their defensiveness because they are super aware of their flaws but too prideful or insecure to actually address them let alone take action to improve. Best thing is to move on, but always be truthful! That is integrity in your values and should not be compromised.
Teams that are open to each other feel much different than the "False Harmony" teams for sure. Thanks.
I think a lot of times this false harmony is especially common in hierarchical organizations, often as a way to maintain the status quo. People learn quickly that expressing concerns or pointing out problems can put a target on their back, so they stay quiet to make an already dysfunctional work environment a little more bearable.
This article does a great job of breaking down the challenge of false harmony and giving leaders a starting point to work with. The steps are clear and actionable, which can be really useful for people new to navigating these dynamics.
In my experience, though, lasting change often comes from working more gradually and meeting the team where they are. For example, when leaders model vulnerability—admitting their own discomfort with disagreement or sharing how they’ve been challenged—it creates a ripple effect. Trust builds when people see honesty in action.
I’ve also seen value in creating space for regular check-ins where the team reflects on how decisions are playing out or how they’re communicating. These loops can surface tensions naturally without forcing the issue.
Curious—have you seen teams successfully move from surface-level harmony to something deeper? What approaches have worked for you?
You just summed up why I am finally getting the divorce that I have asked for 5 times over the past 18years!
"Outlawing passive-aggressive behavior is also essential. Leaders must confront those who engage in it.
False harmony destroys a team’s ability to operate effectively. Agreement on a team is a plus until it becomes superficial. Then it is a curse."
Being with people in denial who deploy avoidance & escapism as their "way of being in this world" is the living hell that is called "gaslighting" in our modern language.
This behavior is ever commonplace in our society at large, at least in the US. Yep, people be legitimately crazy out here!
We took 15 extra minutes to discuss some of the finer points of today’s Field Notes entry. Listen here: https://twitter.com/i/spaces/1MnxnDMgMXEGO
I'd love to hear the authors thoughts (maybe in another entry) on what the best leaders do to "outlaw passive-aggressive behavior" if they see it on an entire team.
Do you only handle that confrontation in 1-on-1 meeting? Does the process look different if the entire team culture seems to engage in passive aggressive behavior?
I think its obvious that would need an organizational skill-building effort focused on healthy communication and reassurance against retaliation, which is why most people do not speak candidly, they want to keep their paycheck!
Your previous writing on truth over harmony and harmony over truth is a good companion here that I noticed.
https://admiredleadership.substack.com/p/dichotomy-between-truth-harmony
Thank you, I just read it and it is so accurate.
This is powerful, thanks for sharing! I completely agree that a team without trust will avoid healthy conflict, leading to poor decisions and subpar execution. I observe this a lot with CEOs who prioritize “getting along” over transparency and truth, and you can feel the underlying friction within the organization.
I am ever so glad that false harmony does not prevail in the leadership team of our federal government. Under the sensitive and astute leadership of PM Anthony Albanese, members of the cabinet, in many respects, THE most important team in Australia, are bound together in oneness and unity.
Each member of the team models their hopes, aspirations and corporate attitudes on the modelling of their leader.
Let us all aim to become leaders and team members who are equally as genuine and as
sincere as our PM and his wonderful group.
Wow you all are so fortunate!
Good morning,
Well put.
I don't see how this is unavoidable with desk jockies.
When you remove working shoulder to shoulder with each other, it's merely lip service and/or a$$ kissing to act like there's flow. Then again, that's the nature of management.
Unless you want to continue to work shoulder to shoulder, that synergy will never really exist (in my opinion).
That is the sacrifice of desk work versuses working with folks.
No shame, it is what it is.
If we all just focus on our tasks/responsibilities; we should be good to go.
Carve whatever life you desire outside of work.
Thank you for your time.
Ahh - seems like you're giving up a little too quick on the desk workers, Joe. :)
I'd bet there is an admired cohort in every industry, even desk jockeys, who accept the obligation of leadership whether they have the title/position or not.
Well said and very well prepared
I like this