Code Words for Resistance to Feedback

People resist incorporating the feedback they receive by responding in ways that suggest they will make change when they really have no intention to do so.

In yesterday’s Field Note, we discussed the response of Happy Talk to mollify leaders but avoid taking action.

However, there are several other resistance strategies that leaders should be privy to and wary of. Here are a few other responses that sometimes suggest resistance.

Good leaders recognize that what people say is not always what they mean, especially when it comes to expressing resistance.

• “That doesn’t match my experience." (Code for: Your data is wrong.)

• “I don’t understand what you are telling me.” (Code for: I simply don’t agree.)

• “Can you give me several more examples of when I do that?” (Code for: You don’t know what you are talking about, or your data is dated.)

• “I didn’t think we reached a final conclusion on that." (Code for: I heard you but have chosen not to do it.)

• “I’m working on that.” (Code for: Not very hard or not very often.)

• “You do the same thing.” (Code for: I’m not responsible to improve if you’re not.)

• “If you say so.” (Code for: You have this backward. This is really your issue.)

• “I’m offended by your feedback.” (Code for: I prefer to be insulted rather than respond to your feedback.)

• “No one else has ever said that to me.” (Code for: You are painfully wrong.)

• “You’ve got to be kidding.” (Code for: I don’t respect you on this topic.)

• “I have to be honest. This doesn’t make any sense to me.” (Code for: Please stop talking and recheck your data and viewpoint.)

Whenever a team member responds with any of the phrases above or those like them, the leader should explore whether their feedback has landed successfully.

Some pushback and resistance to feedback is natural, especially from confident high performers who are good at what they do. But good leaders don’t allow resistance to shortchange the need for change and improvement.

Creating a collaborative exchange where both parties agree to next steps is essential for team members to make progress.

The ability to deflect, misdirect, or placate without incorporating any of the feedback they receive is somewhat of an art form for some team members.

Good leaders push through this shield of resistance and collaborate on a plan of action going forward. Team members can never be allowed to solely get their feedback in the mirror.