Your Admiration for Others Reveals Your Core Values

The best leaders are mindfully value-driven. 

They use their deeply held values to inform their decisions, guide their messages, and shape their interpretations. 

Knowing what values matter more than others is the critical move in establishing the clarity leaders need to behave in a principled and consistent manner.

But learning what you truly value is not as easy as it sounds. Leaders value so many ideas, facets, and strengths that it is often hard to place them in any kind of pecking order. 

As leaders think through the forest of values they prize, it is easy to make the case for honoring a titanic and unwieldy list of virtues. But good leaders push through this. 

They know that the clarity of a small and tight set of core values enhances their ability to be a true value-driven leader. They recognize that value-based leadership depends on a core set of two or three values to drive actions, choices, and decisions. This gives them the instant precision they need to clarify any issue with the values that matter most to them. 

So, how do leaders narrow this list? 

Asking the question, “What do I most value?“ seems like a logical place to start, but it typically doesn’t get the job done. Leaders stand for too many good things for this question to add much clarity. 

As with many other complex tasks, sometimes asking a different question reveals a more accurate or illuminating answer. 

One way to identify the core values we hold is to examine how we see the world rather than how we see ourselves. Working from the outside in can be a game-changer. 

To clarify your core values, consider asking this question instead: What qualities do I most admire in others? 

The answer to that question normally reflects the values we hold most dear. Contemplate the two or three qualities you most admire in others by reflecting on your experiences and reactions in your many prized relationships. This question and its answers will help you cut through the noise and identify what really matters to you. 

Good leaders often use this question to ascertain what others value as well. Asking this question in an interview setting when assessing people you don’t know well, such as job candidates, often reveals important insights. Most importantly, their answers will disclose what human attributes they most aspire to possess. 

What they admire in others provides leaders with a shortcut into value clarification. Give it a try. To paraphrase the words of a famous writer and philosopher, “Tell me what you admire, and I will tell you who you are.”