Will You Be Bitter or Better?
Everyone experiences setbacks and bad news.
People learn they have been demoted, lied to, terminated, overlooked, diagnosed, betrayed, usurped, and passed over, among the many other disappointments in life. Every setback presents its own challenges.
But before people can find a way forward, they must first make a critical decision. Will they choose to allow this event to make them “bitter or better?” as motivational speaker Josh Shipp likes to say.
The attitude people hold after a significant setback is perhaps the most influential decision they will make. This decision is not about seeing the good in a bad situation. Rather, it is about choosing how much negative control we allow the situation to have.
Those who surrender themselves to the disappointment quickly become victims of their own demise. They wallow and feel resentful over what happened rather than looking for power in the setback.
Every bad thing that happens can be viewed as an opportunity to grow or a reason to become disgruntled. Since attitude drives action, making the conscious choice to find a way to become better, stronger, and more resilient from the event is the essential move.
From the outside and without the hardships a setback creates, this is an obvious suggestion. Watching others go through major disappointments brings this into sharp relief. But when we experience misfortunes ourselves, it is far too easy to reject what we know is the right path for the comfort of resentment.
At the moment bitterness begins to take hold, people need the help of leaders to make a different decision. Without being preachy or directive, good leaders point out the choice everyone confronts: bitter or better.
They may relay a time when they, too, let the negative energy of a bad situation give power to resentment. But they encourage those in the throes of despair to choose a straight path toward better. This nudge is all most people typically need.
As the motivational speaker Zig Ziglar liked to say, ”Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.” Pithy, but also true. The choice is always ours.
Good leaders go out of their way to remind us that better is more powerful than bitter in tough situations. Since attitudes are decisions, helping others make the right choice is an act of true leadership that often saves careers.
Tom Hopkins Cha.pion's Creed
I am not judged by the number of times I fail but by the number of times I succeed. And the number of times I succeed is in direct proportion to the number of times I can fail and keep trying.
Good timing. Neil, Dmitiri, and I were just talking about setbacks and how to deal with them in this week's AL study group. I just finished William Irivine's book, The Stoic Challenge - where 'The Challenge' is learning how to effectively overcome setbacks (instead of giving up or getting frustrated and angry), reframing them into challenges (think of Ryan Holilday's The Obstacle is the Way), and creating hardships for yourself to build resilience. To me, it's kind of like the root operating system for everything we do. You have a goal. You set out to achieve goal. The harder the goal, the more likely you will encounter setbacks. The more practice you get at effectively dealing with setbacks, the better you will be able to handle future setbacks. Wash, rinse, repeat.