Why We Resist Demand and Commands

If a sign reads “DO NOT TOUCH,” the immediate reaction from those reading it is to reach out and do the opposite. 

It’s amazing how powerful the need is to resist any restriction of our personal freedoms. People have more than a distaste for being told what to do. 

They bristle at the thought of having their free will eliminated, restricted, or constrained in any way. When confronted by a demand or a command that curtails their freedom, people are motivated to restore their autonomy through a process called “psychological reactance.” 

According to this well-documented process, people have a need to push strongly against any authority or boundary that restricts their choice to act freely. 

To break free of perceived limitations and regain their freedom, people act swiftly to prove they can do what they want. If the ability to act volitionally is impossible or will result in punishment, then people will often lash out or engage in actions that suggest they could ignore the constraint if they really wanted to. 

There’s a lesson here for leaders. 

Any time a leader makes a demand or commands what team members must do, they set off this psychological reactance. The need to maintain freedom is so strong and hard-wired into the human condition that team members automatically resist, even if only internally. 

Depending on the situation and the coercive power employed by the leader to eliminate free choice, the reactance can be extreme. The more powerful the command, the more people react. 

People in a state of reactance will often argue, bad-mouth, and undermine the command in any way they can. This creates a nightmare for leaders who inadvertently set off this chain reaction of resistance simply by imposing their authority by dictating action. 

Good leaders quickly learn that direction, instruction, suggestion, and recommendation produce far less noise and resistance than demand, command, and control. If for no other reason than to get things done, good leaders abandon unnecessary mandates whenever they can. 

Sneaky leaders (and parents) sometimes use this same resistance to their advantage by provoking reactance on purpose. By demanding people not to do something that they secretly want to occur, leaders often walk people right into the trap of reactance and get what they want. 

Known as “reverse psychology,” this tactic can backfire, so it is used cautiously by parents, teachers, and leaders — and only when nothing else seems to work. 

The bottom line is that how leaders say things matters. Making demands is more than just unpopular. It produces the need to resist. 

In and out of the workplace, the constraints and restrictions on freedom posed by rules, policies, and protocols imposed by leaders can demotivate people and make for some unhappy and unpredictable episodes. 

Understanding the human motivation to react to anyone or anything that restricts our freedom is a central tenet of sound leadership. Good leaders always do their best not to unintentionally create unnecessary resistance. It makes their lives so much easier. 

One last thing. DO NOT SHARE THIS FIELD NOTE!