Why Are Some Leaders Praise Stingy?
Great leaders are notorious for their demanding expectations and high standards. They expect a lot from themselves and others and seek excellence in every step along the way to superior outcomes. In their eyes, every process and task can be improved. Nothing is ever perfect and great work is exceedingly rare.
This mentality combined with a desire to support and care about people produces extraordinary team results. But it also makes them extremely praise stingy. Leaders with high expectations and standards generally don’t offer the amount of praise those around them desire. Their focus on results and continuous improvement inhibits their willingness to offer praise.
Those around them work ever harder to earn their leader’s recognition, but often walk away disappointed. Leaders with high expectations hold praise like diamonds in a vault. They don’t offer those diamonds freely or to just anyone.
Praise stingy leaders, by rule, are people who don’t require much praise from others. Interestingly, leaders are more likely to offer the amount of praise they themselves need. Those leaders who need or covet praise are generally more likely to offer it, while those who define success in more objective terms generally deprive others of the positive reinforcement they crave. Naturally, praise-stingy leaders have a hard time understanding why anyone else would want or need approval so badly.
Good leaders recognize that praise focuses attention on actions worth repeating. The more specific and timely it is, the more it encourages people to replicate their actions. Leaders who don’t praise fail to realize their role in priming and reinforcing the behaviors they want to see from others.
Praise given at the right moment is much more than positive validation for people. Praise not only strengthens the bonds between leaders and team members, but it also shows people what is important to replicate. Even the most results-driven leaders can recognize the value of reiterating critical actions.
In the final analysis, good leaders learn that the more they praise, the more people will create outcomes worthy of praise.
Excellent leaders know what excellent looks like. So it stands to reason that excellent leaders aren’t naturally inclined to offer praise for work that doesn’t meet up to exceptional expectations.
Encouraging words happen frequently, even before the standard is met. But praise comes from excellence only when it’s really recognized. “What you want me to lie to you?”
It is so satisfying to read this perspective instead of the one that excuses those who don't have this particular outward "love language." It really does feel like people become derailed from the best kind of habits because they are focused on how different they are from everyone else. Just get over yourself and be more generous with your praise to everyone! Be strategic about it if need be... but everyone is encouraged and motivated by it at moments --- not just 1/5th of people.