What Makes Some People Uncoachable?

In yesterday’s Field Note, we broached the topic of what skills and traits are largely immutable and highly resistant to change and coaching. 

What wasn’t mentioned is the idea that some people are uncoachable or at least less coachable than others. 

In other words, some team members and colleagues are more open-minded to new ideas and practices, more receptive to feedback, and more willing to make personal changes than others. 

The question is, why? 

We all know what makes a person highly coachable: A strong desire to improve sets coachable team members apart. Those who strive to get better are generally more open to feedback and criticism, more vulnerable in their knowledge, and more trusting of learning through others. 

They possess what psychologist Carol Dweck calls a “growth mindset” as opposed to a “fixed mindset.” Good leaders delight in working with and coaching team members with this outlook on personal improvement. 

In contrast, uncoachable people are highly defensive about learning from others. While this defensiveness may be more focused on a specific topic or more temporary in nature, it makes them challenging to coach and difficult for leaders to work with. 

Understanding why a team member or colleague has taken on a “fixed” mindset is worth exploring. 

Perhaps the most deceptively simple reason others are defensive and resistant to change is the fact that they like themselves and their outcomes too much. 

People who have achieved marked success and think very highly of themselves can sometimes close the door to new learning, especially from others. They don’t see the reason to mess with a good thing, namely themselves and their success. So, they resist coaching or play along without any intention of learning something new. 

Perceptions of deep expertise can also result in a resistance to learning from others. When team members or colleagues view themselves as ‘the smartest person’ on a given topic or as highly expert, they, too, push away opportunities to learn and improve and become uncoachable.  

Defensiveness in learning can also spring from a general lack of self-awareness. People low in self-awareness do not fully understand the need for change or the advice others offer to them for improvement. 

Team members who don’t know themselves or how others perceive them are often confused by feedback and get defensive when others insist they are missing the point. The fact that they can’t “get” the point is usually missed by both the person and the coach. 

Another reason for defensiveness in learning springs from deep pessimism. Those team members who are highly skeptical often misread the intentions of those offering them constructive criticism. Or they view advice as unworkable, impractical, or plain wrong as their default position. This makes them highly resistant to change. 

Less common reasons include a perception of injustice or victimization, an acute sensitivity to feedback, and a general dislike of authority. 

The bottom line is that there are many reasons why a person may be defensive or resistant to learning and coaching. 

The best leaders aren’t satisfied with simply knowing or understanding why some people are uncoachable. They use this knowledge to their advantage. 

Instead of accepting this state of affairs, they call out the fact that the other party is resistant to coaching and explore with them their particular reason why. This conversation usually shakes a coconut loose and softens the approach the uncoachable party takes to learning from others. 

If nothing else, exploring why someone is defensive about learning from others allows the leader to reset the expectation that learning is essential and no one is above it. As with many other matters, real leaders tell people the truth when no one else will.