Untangling a Bad Habit
Bad habits are very similar to good habits. Some are easy to change, while others are exceedingly difficult to eradicate.
Finding the motivation to create or change them is the first step. But unlike creating good or healthy habits, an inability to conquer a bad habit can elicit feelings of shame, helplessness, and guilt. This makes avoiding, denying, or ignoring the bad habit much easier than finding the motivation to face it head-on.
To uncover the motivation to confront negative habits and win, habit researcher B.J. Fogg encourages people to view bad habits as a tangled rope full of knots. He warns that pulling on the entire rope usually makes things worse, especially in the long run.
After multiple failed attempts to change a bad habit, people give up and give in, often exacerbating the consequences of the negative choice. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
Those who wish to undo a bad habit, according to Fogg, must untangle the rope knot-by-knot. Anything less than tackling the many knots in the rope of a bad habit is likely doomed to failure. The best approach is to identify the many knots and address them one by one.
The key is to realize that the abstraction of a bad habit (such as overthinking problems) is full of a subset of smaller actions or habits. For example, saying, “I want to stop overthinking problems,” refers to the general habit, but it relies on many other choices and habits for it to exist.
For instance, the following sub-habits may contribute to the habit of overthinking a problem:
Becoming emotional and ego-involved about the problem
Considering only the negative interpretations or consequences of the problem
Replaying the problem in vivid detail inside my head
Overweighing the importance or significance of the problem to others
Immediately asking many others what they think about the problem
Continuing to collect data or intelligence on the problem instead of acting
Avoiding other tasks so more time can be spent thinking about the problem
While it is easy to feel even more overwhelmed by a larger set of bad habits, it is essential not to become depressed by the list but to pick one sub-habit and eradicate it first. Fogg suggests picking the one easiest sub-habit to change as a way to create momentum and confidence going forward. After that sub-habit is eliminated, usually by avoiding, replacing, or ignoring the prompt that sets it in motion, you are then ready to move on to another knot in the rope and untangle it.
Eradicating a bad habit is all about untying the nasty knots that make it so powerful. Reducing a bad habit to its fundamental elements and addressing them is how good leaders kill bad habits. Is it time to cut the rope or to untangle it?
As a certified Tiny Habits coach, I am thrilled to see you write on untangling habits. To be clear, sometimes it is possible to undo a habit simply by replacing it with another habit, but often the process is much more involved, as you say. That is why BJ Fogg uses the word “untangle” rather than the more common ”break.”
The good news is that Dr. Fogg’s research demonstrates that forming positive habits can be simple and even quick.
I liked BJ’s rope metaphor. It reminds me that I only have one rope (my brain) and that even if/after I untangle all the knots (break/replace a bad behavior) there are still weak points in that part of the rope where it can become easily tangled again in the same if I let my guard down or become complacent. Stoic Philosophy and CBT has really helped me in the Cue and Cravings part of the Habit Loop. I’m recently going down a new rabbit hole on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Currently reading The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. I like his simple model on Choice points - see lots of convergence with Stoicism, Habit, and even Admired Leadership (base goals and decision making on values, focus on the process, not outcomes). Good stuff!