Turn Your Harshest Critics Into Coaches
Colleagues, family members, and leaders can be highly critical of our performance at times.
Those who are somewhat less tactful and constructive let their criticism be known through complaints, eye rolls, and general negative statements.
“You don’t seem to be able to finish your thoughts.”
“The client didn’t seem engaged when you were presenting.”
“You chew with your mouth open.”
“You were late again to the meeting.”
“You didn’t deliver the tough message you said you would.”
“That was not your best work.”
Statements and complaints that lack actionability serve only to make us feel bad. In order to address whatever concern or evaluation others have, we need specific and actionable tactics to address the issue.
One way to discover effective tactics while at the same time negating the deflating nature of a complaint is to ask the critic to become your coach.
Turning the tables on those who complain is more than just a clever strategy. Asking the critic to help you address the problem by providing clear and actionable steps requires them to own the problem with you.
Saying, “Tell me exactly what I should do to correct this,” or “What steps do you advise for me to address this issue?” can turn a critic into a coach.
Whether you follow their recommendations is another matter, but by flipping the script and asking them to coach you through the problem they have raised, you weaken their resolve to simply complain in the future.
In essence, you teach them to be more thoughtful about how they offer general feedback and receive some practical advice in the process. Faced with your requests to guide you forward, they learn to stop offering broad criticisms and complaints and instead provide specific feedback.
No one enjoys the complaints and grating statements offered by critics. Stop living with them. Foster a more positive and useful dialogue by requiring those who judge you harshly to offer a specific solution to their complaint.
Don’t let them get away with a broad and negative evaluation. Ask them what they suggest you do about it. Put them to work. Everyone will be better for it.
This is a great way to think about this. Within my organization, I recruit the next crop of leaders. I say I am looking for a “coachable disrupter.” If I was looking for people like other senior leaders, we would get the same result.
Good morning,
Interesting topic. I don't know about how your firm handles these folks. To be frank, the folks who do this are those I do not care to spend time with. That said, I will always ask for suggestions, but if you are over thirty and still doing this.. Perhaps it's time you grow up. However, in the words of Bob Dylan: " ...it ain't me ..."
Thank you for your time.