The Best Place and Time to Have That Conversation

Where a conversation takes place and what else the parties are doing during the exchange really matters. 

My office or yours? Sitting at a round table or at a desk across from each other? Eating or drinking while talking or engaging in direct eye contact while taking notes? Sitting on a sofa in a private setting or in arena seats before a sporting contest? Morning or late afternoon? 

The setting and timing of a conversation and any associated activity exert a tremendous influence on what gets said or doesn’t during any exchange. 

Leaders who want to learn more about what others really think select the time, location, and activity that primes the pump for open communication. Not surprisingly, there is a world of difference between having a conversation at a breakfast meeting versus conducting the same conversation (with or without coffee) in a conference room late in the day. 

People have distinct expectations about what should or shouldn’t happen in different settings and during different shared activities. The choice leaders make regarding the timing, setting, and activity of a conversation influences how willing others are to open up and share what they really believe and think. 

Consider the impact of conversations while walking, driving, or traveling together. Conversations when walking or driving seem more casual and informal because both parties are side-by-side rather than face-on. This makes people feel more comfortable and increases the likelihood they will speak freely and openly. 

Rarely do people have a conversational agenda when they walk, drive, or travel together. People aren’t in the habit of conversations becoming overly formal or highly structured when they move about. Quite the contrary. 

People expect side-by-side conversations, whether walking, driving, or sitting on a plane or train, to be unscripted and more carefree. This expectation encourages disclosure and diminishes the natural urge to pre-think or prepare to respond as they do in a more formal setting.

Any activity and any setting that lowers the status of the leader and creates a more comfortable exchange is a boon for learning more from people. That’s why meeting for breakfast and coffee is so popular. Any strategic choice that makes the other party more relaxed and conversationally comfortable is a smart call. 

Depending on the goals the leader has for the conversation, selecting the best timing, location, and activity to achieve the desired outcome is a critically important decision and one that is often overlooked. Busy schedules and back-to-back meetings often preclude a strong choice for the best setting and timing, but good leaders do their best to mix it up and stage meetings in diverse settings and at different moments during the day.  

The best leaders don’t conduct all of their conversations from behind a desk or in a conference room. They make the strategic choice of selecting the ideal setting and activity to achieve their conversational goals. 

This just takes a little forethought and planning, and a desire to get out of the same old conversational ruts. How diverse are the settings for your conversations? “Can we meet in the lounge just before the concert? There’s something I’ve been meaning to discuss with you.”