Thank You for Your Candor

We know all too well the reasons people decide not to be candid. 

Being forthright with your views and frank in the way you express them can hurt others’ feelings and make you unlikeable. Politeness is generally indirect. Likeable people don’t impose their views on others. So, most people swallow what they really think in an effort to get along. 

Being direct and candid also exposes the limitations of what the speaker really knows or doesn’t. This can elicit a putdown when someone in the room decides to show everyone else how misinformed or uniformed your views are, or both. Being candid requires taking a chance and, in too many cases, people think it isn’t worth the risk. 

As a result, we generally know less than we should about what people really think and believe. Getting to the right or best answer requires candor from those in the room. The same is true for reaching quality decisions. 

Candor is the secret ingredient when it comes to addressing important issues. Being candid gets ideas and thoughts out in the open so they can be dealt with. 

Yet, despite the numerous benefits of candor, people typically prefer to be liked, so they avoid too much of it. This is a problem in most relationships and teams. Too little candor equals a superficial debate or discussion of ideas or issues. 

Of course, too much candor can also be a problem. Despite the popularity of such catchphrases as radical candor and radical transparency, uncensored honesty between people is usually offensive and unnecessarily unkind. No one wants to be around someone who has no filter or can’t stop themselves from saying whatever they are thinking at the moment. The unfortunate reality is we really don’t like people who are too transparent or uncensored. 

But the problem is not that most teams and relationships have too much candor. This is probably why such catchy descriptions become popular in the first place. We need more candor, especially when performance matters. Which is just about always. 

Leaders who are themselves direct and candid and reward it in others get more of it. When they are selflessly candid (they want to get to the right answer, not show everyone what they know) and helpfully direct (the only way others know what to do differently to improve is to tell them), good things happen. 

Not surprisingly, encouraging others to speak candidly requires that leaders listen and don’t overreact to what they hear. But there are more specific ways to promote more candor. 

Thanking people for their candidness before responding is a habit of great leaders. People who are thanked for being candid often respond to the encouragement by doing more of it. 

Some leaders even thank people for their frankness in advance, before they begin discussing an issue. This sets an expectation that candor matters more than other social qualities right now. 

Even more important for some leaders is to give people permission to be frank and honest. People need to know that the leader prizes candor and wants it. It is always easier to call up the courage to potentially be disliked when others tell us we won’t be. In fact, leaders who tell others they most respect candidness in people can open up the floodgates.