Nothing About Candidness Requires Disrespectful or Inflammatory Language
Our most candid views are often tied to what we feel most passionate about. This passion can leak out negatively when people decide to become more honest than they usually are.
Ask people to choose to share more of what they really think, and they often become strident in the way they express their views. This is especially common in group settings when differing and candid viewpoints clash.
Too many people think candidness requires sharing their full passion by overstating an opinion or viewpoint.
That full candidness must be expressed harshly or stridently is simply false. Any viewpoint can be communicated respectfully or disrespectfully. That choice is not dependent on the view or its transparency.
The swell of emotion that often occurs when people express their true feelings and viewpoints raises the stakes in any conversation.
The challenge is not that people fall prey to expressing their viewpoints in an inflammatory or disrespectful fashion, The problem is that some people believe that candidness requires it.
It is always a choice as to how we express ourselves and advocate for our views. Behaving respectfully and in a manner that equally values other people and their opinions is a choice effective leaders and team members make all of the time.
Opening your heart and mind to share your most honest viewpoints does not alleviate the need to engage respectfully.
People too often use the excuse of being passionate and highly candid to justify their over-the-top, intense, and unmannerly declarations.
They must get the feedback that their openness still requires that they bring people along with their honesty. This means engaging respectfully regardless of how much passion they feel about an issue.
The truth is that a team member cannot become too candid when the group is wrestling with a critical decision or issue. But they can become too intense in the way they express that candidness.
The truth between candid minds can only do harm when lines of respect are crossed. Being candid doesn’t demand anything but openness.
Respect and candidness are dance partners—they move best together. When respect leads, candidness follows gracefully, making room for shared understanding. But when candidness pushes ahead without regard, the balance falls apart. Conversations become a tug-of-war instead of a collaboration. The balance we aim for in dialogue honors the people in the room. If your candidness drowns out the voices of others, is it truly honest...or simply loud?