Make the Charitable Assumption
Team members have a deep affection for leaders who make the charitable assumption about our less-than-desirable actions.
When they are late, miss the deadline, show up unprepared, share confidential information, or one of the many other mistakes that are bound to happen on occasion, team members naturally prefer leaders who give them the benefit of the doubt.
Rather than presuming they did things on purpose or have acted in a subversive or negligent manner, leaders who make what the restauranteur Danny Meyer calls the charitable assumption simply ask others what happened.
The charitable assumption is a pause and an opening. It presumes there might be a good reason for the misstep or breach. Asking the question as to why, rather than unloading on people, is what good leaders do. They give people a chance to explain or offer a reasonable account.
Rather than expressing disappointment about an infraction or negative action, the better first expression is one of curiosity and concern. “This is not like you. Is everything okay?” is a common version of making the charitable assumption. This tells others that the leader cares more about the person than about the violation.
Leaders are often surprised by what they learn when asking others to explain their behavior in a considerate way. Family, medical, and other issues often clarify why people do what they do. Nothing feels worse to a leader than when they come down hard on a team member and later learn the colleague was experiencing a major personal crisis.
Charitable acts reflect caring values.
Assuming the best in people leaves them with a good feeling — even if a reprimand is in order. Listening to an explanation only takes a few extra moments. Why not make it a habit to make the charitable assumption about people and their mistakes.
You’ll feel better about yourself and your leadership when you do.
Danny Meyer will be one of the featured speakers at the 4th annual
Admired Leadership® Community Conference, October 11, 2023.
Back in 1992, I had a Philosophy Professor, Bill Ryzek. I did really well in his Intro to Philosophy class. When I took his World Religions class, I got a C on my first exam. When he handed it to me, he said "This isn't you Dave, is everything alright?" It wasn't. I had just broken up with a long-time girlfriend, but him showing compassion motivated me to set my priorities straight - I lost the girl, I'm single, I now have more time to put into my studies. I got very serious about my college career at that point because a College Profession showed some compassion and got me thinking about who I was and who I wanted to be. Thank you Bill!
I tend to think about this more about combatting personal biases, rather than another layer of assumptions. The difference is nuanced, but starting from a neutral place rather than assuming good or bad (or ascribing morality to the behaviour) lets me see things more objectively.