Liking Yourself Too Much Can Hinder Personal Growth

You can’t accept who you are right now and grow at the same time. Or, as former IBM Ceo Ginni Rometty liked to say, “Growth and comfort never coexist.” 

In order to grow and develop as a person and leader, stepping outside of what is most comfortable is a requirement. To develop and grow, leaders must seek out challenges, reject the familiar, and accept new experiences and the uncertainty they carry.

Unfortunately, even for those with a commitment to personal growth, comfort comes in many forms and often takes hold without much notice or attention.  It is so easy to become complacent, self-satisfied, and comfortable, that many leaders suffer from an ailment they don’t recognize, see, or accept. But it is exactly this comfort that keeps them from becoming the best version of themselves. 

Of the many pernicious ways comfort weasels its way into the mindset of leaders, perhaps none is more common than the idea of liking oneself a bit too much. 

After achieving many successes and finding themselves in a position of increasing authority and influence, leaders naturally begin to feel prideful of what they have accomplished and who they are. They come to strongly believe that their creativity, hard work, and strategic prowess have produced many of the great outcomes they have enjoyed. They attribute their continued success to how they have evolved as leaders and as people. 

Even though they would never admit or express it, the truth is that they are enamored with themselves. There is nothing on the planet more comfortable than self-love. 

Everyone should like themselves just enough to find the confidence and esteem necessary to push through resistance and tackle new challenges. But when this self-liking becomes magnified, leaders often stop learning and growing. 

In fact, examine the most uncoachable leaders and you are likely to find people who have stopped learning because they like themselves too much. Like yourself too much, and learning and growth are a sideshow important only for others.

So how do the best leaders remain vigilant in not allowing such comfort to take hold? They fail. Or they at least engage in tasks, challenges, and experiences unknown to them.  Ones where they are likely to underperform or become uncomfortable. They consistently try new things, engage new models and frameworks, and pursue new experiences that reveal that they have a lot of room to learn. 

They commit to liking themselves but seek out feedback that puts their strengths into perspective and gives them suggestions for growth. In short, they refuse to be comfortable because of the success they enjoyed yesterday. 

Ask yourself this honest question: Is how much you like yourself and your accomplishments getting in the way of how you learn and grow? It does for many leaders. 

But here’s the good news. We know the recipe for healthy discomfort. Two parts candid feedback, three parts new challenges, and one part new experience. That’s a cocktail worth consuming.