How Are Others Interpreting What You Say and Do?

A popular maxim among communication professionals is that people “cannot NOT communicate.”

This adage refers to the idea that others interacting with you will draw meaning from everything you say and do, whether you want them to or not. All behavior is a form of communication, even when you are silent or not actively trying to convey a message.

This is an important idea because it suggests that people should be more conscious about how others are interpreting them since they might want to influence those evaluations.

Of the many possible readings people make of your behavior, three stand out for their importance: task, identity, and relationship.

In any interaction, people immediately interpret what is at stake — what is the goal or task. They ground their understanding by first concluding what is at issue and what goals the parties are pursuing. In other words, what needs to get done?

At the same time, the message or behavior also communicates and reinforces the identity or social image of the communicator.

Do their actions convey that they are serious, friendly, creative, responsible, analytical, composed, or any of the infinite evaluations people might make? Whether the communicator wants them to or not, people will draw inferences from their behavior about who they are.

Also concurrently, the behaviors exhibited by the communicator display how they see the relationship. People naturally want to understand where they stand with the other party.

Is the relationship grounded in respect, deference, authority, equality, caring, disclosure, and the like? Every behavior conveys a message about the qualities of the relationship, as well as task and identity.

The best communicators are thoughtful about the three interpretations others make and attempt to be mindful of doing things that convey how they want to be viewed.

They design messages that integrate all three evaluations at the same time. They make them goals. They ask the question: How do I get the task done while projecting the identity I desire while reaffirming the relationship I hope to have with this person?

People who are overly task-focused and ignore the goals of identity and relationship often learn, to their consternation and bewilderment, that people view them negatively and feel unsupported in the relationship.

Tell such people they need to attend to judgments of identity and relationship, and they might see them drive hard to achieve the task at hand and then sequence to taking everyone to lunch in an attempt to repair their image and relationships.

This subordination of goals doesn’t work.

Only messages that balance all three components have the potential to create the positive interpretations good people want and desire from others.

Be mindful about how others interpret what you say and do. Drop the illusion that how you want to be viewed is not within your control. People will interpret who you are, how they relate to you, and what you’re after almost instantly in everything you say and do.

Make sure to attend to all three goals in every message. Your credibility depends on it.