Giving Feedback by Offering to Help

Asking others how you might help them can be a highly indirect and effective way of giving feedback.

Consider a colleague who is chronically late and deserves the feedback that their performance is suffering as a result.

A leader could give this feedback in a more direct fashion by saying something like: “You really need to work on your punctuality. Your contribution to the team is diminished by your tardiness.”

Or they might take a more indirect route: “Is everything okay? You seem to be having difficulty arriving on time, and it’s affecting your performance.”

Leaders have at their disposal many other direct and indirect approaches to expressing this feedback.

One avenue often used by admired leaders is to couch this feedback indirectly by offering help.

In this example, the leader might say, “What can I do to help you arrive to our meetings on time? Your performance is suffering, and I would like to help.”

By expressing the feedback indirectly by offering assistance, the leader makes the message more about their desire to lend a hand and less about the infraction of lateness. Yet, the feedback remains perfectly clear without the sting of admonishment.

Giving feedback by offering help can be highly effective, especially for those who are sensitive to feedback or have heard the same criticisms multiple times but simply fail to make changes.

The desire and intention to assist others and to be of service is a human virtue that transcends cultures and time. Those on the receiving end are highly appreciative when leaders extend themselves and offer their assistance or aid, even when there is little they can do to help.

And the indirectness of this approach even allows them to turn down the assistance but still hear the feedback without the need to defend themselves. Better yet, people don’t tire of leaders who genuinely want to make things easier or better for them.

Two points are worth noting about this feedback strategy. First, any feedback can be expressed by offering help or assistance, not that it is a panacea or the best strategy in all cases.

Second, a leader can offer the same help over and over without appearing petulant or demanding, keeping the feedback fresh and present.

You might consider adding this approach to your repertoire of feedback strategies. If that seems unrealistic, how can we help you understand that you can be more effective in the way you deliver feedback?