Finding Common Ground Versus a Common Goal
The most common advice for building relationships always includes finding common ground with the other party.
Common ground is defined as anything shared between the parties. Exploring similarities in experience, background, values, knowledge, interests, or people they know in common creates a connection to build upon.
By first establishing commonality, a relationship becomes more comfortable, familiar, and trusting.
As sound as this advice is, common ground plays second fiddle to a closely related cousin. Even more powerful for establishing relationships is finding or creating a common goal.
When objectives or goals are mutually shared, the parties engage differently. They immediately understand how they might work together toward shared success.
Rather than engaging in small talk and looking for possible similarities and connections, searching for a common goal requires a more direct approach. Conversations between the parties quickly establish the reason for the relationship.
By sharing your own goal for the relationship, you encourage the other party to share any objectives they might have. Or, by exploring what goal they are pursuing, you can find a deeper connection or a way to collaborate.
“I believe we share a common objective.”
“I think we are both after the same thing.”
”Let’s agree we both share a common objective.”
“What are you currently hoping to achieve?”
“What goals are you really excited about right now?”
“I think we would both enjoy working together for mutual benefit.”
“I’ve been looking forward to collaborating with you on achieving that goal.”
Common goals make an instant connection and change the way the parties orient themselves toward each other. Once the parties agree to a common objective or goal, then other similarities are more easily shared.
Establishing common ground with genuine interest and openness is a well-known recipe for creating an immediate bond with others. Of the many similarities worth exploring, perhaps the most powerful is finding a common goal or objective.
When attempting to deepen an existing relationship or to jump-start a new one, skip the small talk and go directly toward establishing a mutual goal. This will make other similarities almost magically appear.
In the rare case that you can’t identify a common goal, you might ask yourself if the relationship can exist long-term without it.
Just like entering a house, we first knock and follow the host's lead. Once the introductions or stating of one's mission is dealt with, we borrow a legal maxim, consensus ad idem (meeting of minds). It is interesting seeing how commonality supercedes skin-deep differences, e.g. class, colour, look. The querying process is endless, at least until we establish if there's anything of continued value in this relationship.
I wonder where we'd be if we applied the principles shared here elsewhere in our everyday interactions. Instead of always behaving like a court's adversarial system, we'd make more progress looking for what unites us, regardless of our core beliefs in the end. We can still be agreeably different. Sounds like a win-win for all parties.