Becoming a Better Listener by ‘Checking In’ During the Conversation

Countless people have made 2025 the year they will finally improve their listening skills.

This is a great goal, especially for leaders.

Improving the skill to process, attend, comprehend, and confirm others in conversation is paramount for effectiveness in every arena in life.

But improvement involves more than just intention. Leaders need a workable approach to become better listeners.

Of the many behaviors that contribute to enhanced listening, one that stands out is called Checking In.

With this behavior, good listeners show the other party that they are indeed processing and comprehending what they are saying and that they are picking up on the intensity, emotion, tone, and conviction that colors their meaning.

To accomplish this, those who are more expert at listening choose to periodically check in on the conversation.

Checking in involves the listener paraphrasing, clarifying, or summarizing what they are hearing from the other party. This makes for a very different listening experience.

Listeners paraphrase by restating what they think they have heard: “What I hear you saying is…” “So, you are saying…” “Let me make sure I have this right...” Such expressions communicate that the listener believes they understand but is checking in to make sure.

Listeners can also seek clarity as a way of checking in. “Is this what I am hearing you say?” “I am not quite sure I get what you’re advocating for,” “Do you mean to say…?”

Through clarifying questions and statements, the listener is again checking in to test their comprehension and understanding.

By requesting clarity, the listener communicates that they are not quite sure they understand but they want to.

Another way of checking in during a conversation is through summarizing. “It seems like these are the three points you are making,” “I am hearing you say...” “It appears we have decided that...”

Summarizing shapes mutual understanding by synthesizing what has been said into a capsulated form.

This helps both parties to gauge what conclusions have been reached together or to take stock of where things stand in the moment before moving ahead in the conversation.

Checking in keeps the listener honest. They simply can’t check in if they aren’t attuned to what the other party is saying, or if they are distracted or unfocused in the conversation.

In other words, a leader must listen to check in, so this behavior serves two purposes: it makes leaders better at listening and it conveys to the other party that they are being heard accurately.

Checking in during the conversation is a learned skill and not intuitive for most leaders.

Some listeners find it awkward to interrupt a conversation to check in, believing falsely that this intrusion hurts the conversation and their listening. The truth is that unless a listener checks in too frequently, they are viewed as deeply connected to the other party and not rude or insensitive.

In fact, checking in commonly adds energy to a conversation by focusing on mutual understanding. Listening more completely requires a leader to check in on that understanding.

Checking in is the gift of complete attention.