Are You a Poor Listener or Just Hard to Influence?

Are You a Poor Listener or Just Hard to Influence?

Some leaders get a bum rap regarding their listening skills.

Although they’re accused of listening poorly, in actuality, they process and comprehend what others say and mean with aplomb.

Their ability to pay sharp attention to others and understand what they communicate is beyond reproach. Yet they are told repeatedly that they have lousy listening skills.

Why would this be?

That’s because “listening” is often used as a substitute for “doing what I say or advise.”

Leaders who have an independent mindset and are difficult to persuade, convince, or influence are often told they listen poorly.

In reality, they listen just fine, but they resist easily changing their minds.

There is a huge difference between listening to others and yielding to them.

By hurling the label of “poor listener” at them, those frustrated by their recalcitrance hope to put them on the defensive. No one, especially a leader, wants to be tagged with the label “poor listener.”

So, leaders practice a skill they already artfully possess, and nothing changes in the process.

Some leaders desperately need to work on their close-mindedness and stubborn streak. They are less open than they should be to new information, ideas, and arguments, and therefore don’t change their views very often.

Better that they be told that this is their problem so they can address it. Yet, telling them they can’t or don’t listen misses the mark.

There is little doubt that many leaders do indeed find listening to be a significant challenge. First, there is the need to evaluate what is being said. Then, there is the mental process of composing a response. There may also be a need to zero in and dissect a key slice of the message. All this can make some leaders weak at processing or comprehending what others say.

Add to that list the habit of multitasking, the propensity to be easily distracted, or the need to check their screens for messages, and listening can take a back seat. All to the detriment of shared understanding.

But that’s not true of everyone with the reputation of so-called weak listening skills.

Leaders with good listening skills, who nonetheless are often accused of a failure to listen, need to push back and ask people to separate the two concepts.

Telling others that you have processed what they have said and understand it but remain unconvinced puts them on notice to make a better case instead of criticizing your listening skills.

Leaders who have difficulty maintaining attention or who are not adept at comprehending the meanings that others communicate can become much better with coaching and practice. Most leaders would benefit from working hard to improve one skill or the other.

Which skill do you need most to develop?

Are you an average or subpar listener or are you more difficult to convince and persuade than you should be?

Gather some feedback and make the call. Just don’t use the label of “listening” as your sole guide.