Apologizing for Other People’s Bad Behavior Underscores Your Values

When people observe others behaving poorly, rudely, or inappropriately, they typically shake their head and ignore the episode. Unless they know the transgressor well enough to predict their reaction to being confronted, most won’t take the chance to intervene. 

But that doesn’t mean there isn’t something else they can do. 

Apologizing to the recipient of this poor behavior by acknowledging the inappropriate actions and expressing regret that they had to endure it is what good leaders do. Obnoxious, rude, or unseemly behavior directed at others is sometimes unintentional, but it always leaves a mark. Good leaders use the opportunity to say something to underscore their values and to offer support to those who need it. 

The apology doesn’t have to be dramatic or overstated. It simply needs to express concern for the party on the receiving end and convey regret that the incident occurred. The symbolic nature of this kind and supportive act does not go unnoticed by others. 

Leaders who make a habit of apologizing for the bad behavior of others show themselves to stand for people and relationships. People overhear and understand the compassion such a leader exemplifies. 

By offering a sympathetic ear, especially to strangers, and emphasizing that no one should have to endure such behavior, leaders broadcast the standards and civility they hope others would adopt. Confrontation over such an episode, unless extreme or threatening, doesn’t carry nearly the weight that the apology does. 

Good leaders are values-driven and find ways to share their principles with others without just stating them. Apologizing for others’ bad behavior is yet another avenue good leaders utilize to let their social codes and values be known. They make a habit of never missing the chance when others behave poorly. 

Don’t think for a moment that the opportunity for such a habit occurs only rarely. Unfortunately, bad behavior abounds in social interaction and continues to grow as the rules of good conduct get diluted by the absence of good role models. Bad behavior happens way too frequently, and good leaders are on the lookout for it. 

When they see it, the best leaders don’t return rudeness with rudeness. They use an apology to those on the receiving end to send the most powerful message. Some actions speak louder than others. Apologies speak volumes about a leader.